Iowa Cubs

86

Last year, I did reviews for the Danville Braves, Gwinnett Braves, Mississippi Braves, and Rome Braves. Or perhaps I should say I did a review for those four teams, given the fact that I did nothing more that take the same review and modify a few bits here and there. I did this because quite frankly, I didn't see why I should be putting a lot of effort into each team's review when no one put a lot of effort into each team's logo.

With the Daytona Cubs and the Iowa Cubs, the situation is not so bad. First of all, the Chicago Cubs have only two farm teams using their name. Second, I don't think the Chicago Cubs actually own either of them, whereas the Atlanta Braves empire does own all the farm teams using their name. Third, one of the two farm teams called the Cubs doesn't use Chicago's logo in any way except for having the same colors.

This, of course, is the team that does use Chicago's logo.

Originally, I think, they were just going to use the exact same logo and be done with it. But then at the last moment, someone got worried that people might confuse Des Moines with Chicago (not bloody likely). So to differentiate the teams, that someone grabbed a blue magic marker and scribbled "Iowa" over the logo. And that, my friends, is how the Iowa Cubs logo got created. At least, that's my version of the story.

I'm not certain why people are borrowing the Cubs name. I mean, the Chicago Cubs are hardly a tradition of excellence, now, are they? I understand the Scranton Wilkes-Barre Yankees. They're telling you that they're proud to be the AAA affiliate for the winningest baseball team in major league history. The New York Yankees are one of those teams where even if you hate them (and believe me, I do), you have to respect them. The Cubs? Not so much. The Iowa Cubs are telling you that they're proud to be the AAA affiliate for the team that holds the longest championship drought in all of North American sports, at one hundred and two years and counting.

The other problem with using the Cubs name is that it just isn't a good name. Now, as I said yesterday, I know that baseball fans are required to sign a contract that says they'll pretend otherwise, but journalistic integrity requires that I violate that clause and come out and say it. The name Cubs just su— HEY! WHO LET YOU IN HERE?! GET OUT OF MY HOU— PUT ME DOWN THIS INSTANT YOU JACKBOOTED MMMMMF! MMMMF HMMM MMMM FMMM! MMMMMF MMMMF—

Final Score: 86 points.
Penalties: Region (egregious), 17 pts; Script, 7 pts; Offspring, 12 pts; Diamond, 16 pts; Letter, 24 pts; Name, 10 pts.
Bonuses: None