New Jersey Jackals

59

There is little in this world that confuses me more than a team using "New Jersey" as its geographic moniker. Usually, when a region or state is used as the geographic moniker rather than a city, it means that the team would rather be associated with the region or state. This does, much as I hate to admit it, often make sense. Calling yourself the Minnesota Vikings as opposed to the Minneapolis Vikings keeps you out of the pissing match between Minneapolis and St. Paul. Calling yourself the Southern Maryland Blue Crabs as opposed to the Waldorf Blue Crabs allows people to know where the hell you are. Calling yourself the Lake Erie Monsters as opposed to the Cleveland Monsters allows you to hide the fact that you're in Cleveland. And these last two reasons are exactly why I don't understand calling yourself the New Jersey Jackals. The Jackals play in Little Falls, New Jersey. Little Falls may not be the most prestigious name in the world, but it's bound to be more prestigious than "New Jersey" simply because there are very few places in the United States whose names aren't more prestigious than New Jersey. Let's see, there's West Virginia, Louisiana, Detroit, and...well, that's about it, really. Even Arkansas gets to look down on New Jersey, for crying out loud. Do you know how low on the totem pole you have to be for Arkansas to be able to look down on you? So why a team would rather be associated with New Jersey than just about any town in New Jersey is beyond me. And as for people not knowing where the hell you are if you say you're from Little Falls, look at it this way: The fact that they can't find you is the only reason they don't know you're in New Jersey. You don't want people to be able to find you.

So where, you ask, is Little Falls? Well, I think you can figure out what state it's in without me telling you. If you want me to be more specific, I can tell you that it's in the southern part of Passaic County, about 15 miles from New York City. (It is, in fact, very close to the setting of The Sopranos.) The Wikipedia page for it helpfully notes that "Several well-maintained residences and other structures from the last century serve to further strengthen the town's sense of pride in its past." It sounds quaint in a "our best days are behind us" sort of way, but it's not really that impressive. Structures from the last century? That only requires being roughly a decade old. My house is from the last century, and it's younger than I am. I own towels from the last century. Maintaining something from the last century is not a noteworthy accomplishment right now.

There's not much that's noteworthy about the Jackals' logo, either. A profile of a jackal's head. The team name. A baseball. The baseball is a little odd, however, in that it is shaggy. It looks like they didn't remove the cow's hair from the leather used to cover the ball. I'm not sure why it was drawn this way (I'm guessing the artist was just bored), but it does make me wonder what it would be like to actually use such a ball in a game. I imagine you could get some interesting pitches out of that by rubbing some of the hair backwards. That would seriously mess with the aerodynamics of the ball, after all. It could lead to some really wild pitches. Done wrong, people could get hurt. Done right, people could get killed. For all the people who think baseball is incredibly boring, it could certainly increase the appeal. Maybe they should actually try this some time.

There is also fur on the tail on the "S" in the word "Jackals", incidentally. I think it's supposed to represent a jackal's tail. I don't really have a comment about that, but I mentioned the fur on the baseball so I figured I should mention this as well. Otherwise the word "Jackal" is fur-free. I think that means someone shaved the jackal. That sounds dangerous. It also sounds dirty. It sounds dangerous and dirty.

Aha! So that's why their calling themselves "New Jersey"!

Final Score: 59 points.
Penalties: Region (egregious), 17 pts; Alliteration, 5 pts; Equipment, 13 pts; Letter, 24 pts
Bonuses: None