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| Portland Beavers | 128 |
Notice: All logos on this page are included within the parameters of 17 U.S.C. § 107, which states that the reproduction of a copyrighted work for purposes of criticism and/or comment is not an infringement of copyright. No challenge to the copyrights of these logos is intended by their inclusion here.
Posted 2009 July 31
The first question that came to mind when I saw this logo was whether beaver faces really look anything like the face of the creature in this logo. After all, beavers are aquatic mammals, and most of the other aquatic mammals I can think of (otters, seals, porpoises, et cetera) have a more streamlined shape, and that streamlining includes the face shape. The face of the creature in the logo looked more like a gopher to me. But I'm far from an expert in zoology, so I decided to check. And since I was already on the computer and didn't need a lot of technical information, I decided to GIS it instead of hunting down my wife's Audubon Guide.
It was a tiny fraction of a second after clicking the "Search" button that I realized what I had just done: I had just done an image search, on the internet, for a word which is slang for "vagina". Yes, "Safe Search" was on, but it has its limits (I once did a search on "badger", which isn't even a slang word for anything bad that I can think of, with Safe Search on; for reasons I to this day do not understand, one of the pictures that came up was of roughly a dozen women, nude, forming a vertical triangle of the sort you often see cheerleaders do. What's really bad is that I was at work at the time.) So for the remaining couple of moments until the results came up, I was uncertain how many of the eighteen pictures that came up on the first screen would be of small aquatic mammals, and how many would be of, er, something else.
As it turns out, not one picture was of anything other than a small, aquatic mammal (some were drawings instead of pictures, but they were still drawings of small, aquatic animals). This made me curious. What would the results be with Safe Search turned off? Would it still be perfectly clean, with nothing you'd be afraid to show your children? Or would opening the door to filth cause an immediate onslaught of female genitalia?
I'm sure half of you reading this are thinking I was just doing this so I could look at naked women, but I assure you that was not my motivation here. If that's what I want to look at, I can think of dozens of words that are guaranteed to produce the desired results without pictures of Castor canadensis getting in the way. I genuinely wanted to know if the results would reinforce my generally misanthropic view of mankind. I was surprised to find that, even with Safe Search turned off, there wasn't a single R-rated (or worse) picture on the first screen.
That couldn't possibly be right, could it? Did I, in fact, turn Safe Search off? I checked, and yes, I had. I clicked to the next screen to see if that could possibly be right. Again, not a single picture of female parts (although there was, curiously, a drawing of a male furry). It wasn't until the third screen that I got the results that I had expected to be over half of the pictures on the first screen. Apparently people aren't as sex-obsessed as I had been led to believe.
By now, I was really curious. Would a similar search on "bush" actually produce nothing but pictures of shrubbery? No, as it turns out, there wasn't a single shrubbery on the first screen. But there wasn't anything obscene, either. In fact, every single picture was either of a former president or a close relative of one. I didn't bother seeing how many screens I had to go through before the smut showed up for that one. By now, I was beginning to actually think highly of people. I decided to try another word. Alas, "pussy" doesn't bring up a single picture of a cat, and that's all I'm going to say on the matter.
About this time it occurred to me that at one point I had actually been intending to review a baseball logo, so I went back to the search for beaver and actually looked at the critters. So do beavers, in fact, look like the critter in this logo? No. I was right: they look more streamlined than that. And in fact, the teeth actually aren't very prominent at all. Then again, the gophers I found pictures of didn't have particularly prominent teeth, either, and you always see cartoon gophers with prominent teeth. So basically what I'm saying is that artists have no freaking clue how to draw rodents.
Aside from that minor (?) detail, though, this isn't a bad logo. Yeah, I know, it's another cartoon animal playing baseball. But somehow, this one isn't as bothersome as most. The drawing is more detailed than most. The player isn't making some ridiculous sneer on his face like most do, but rather looks like he's actually trying to see what pitch is coming. He's wearing an actual baseball uniform. He even looks like he's holding the bat properly, for crying out loud. Okay, so it looks like a cartoon animal playing baseball. But unlike all the other logos that look like a cartoon animal playing baseball, this one does, in fact, look like he is playing baseball. I can respect that.
Also, I've always liked the light blue/dark blue color combination, and this is the only professional team I know of in any sport that uses it. The "Est'd 1903" is extremely dubious (the current team has only been in Portland since 2001; the first use of the name "Portland Beavers" wasn't until 1906), but I suppose it's no worse than hockey's Fort Wayne Komets claiming to be the same team all the way back to 1952 when there have actually been three franchises during that time.
The only thing I really have a problem
with is this alternate logo, where a tail is suddenly coming out of nowhere
and the jersey color seems to have changed slightly. I could probably
handle those things, but the "Lucky Beavers" banner just kills it for
me.
And I'm not about to do a Google Image Search of "Lucky Beavers" with or without Safe Search. I just don't even want to know what kind of images that would conjure up.
Final Score: 128 points.
Penalties: Humanoid, 30 pts; Cartoon, 47 pts; Player, 51 pts.
Bonuses: None.