Salt Lake Bees

112

For anyone who is wondering, the name "Salt Lake Bees" comes from the fact that the beehive is a a symbol of either Utah or the Mormons. Oh, who are we kidding; to be a symbol is Mormons is to be a symbol of Utah, and vice versa. In fact, I would go so far as to say that Utah is a symbol of the Mormons, and vice versa. This, combined with my previous sentence, means that Utah is a symbol of Utah, and Mormons are a symbol of Mormons. I'm not sure that makes any sense, but you know what I'm saying.

Because of its status as a symbol of Umortahmonism, the beehive appears on Utah's state highway route markers, its state seal, and its state flag. Of course, the bit about the state flag is fairly obvious given the bit about the state seal, since the state flag is nothing more than the state seal on a blue background. Utah is hardly alone in this regard. "The state seal on a blue background" is an accurate description of the flags of Utah, Connecticut, Idaho, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maine, Michigan, Minnesota, Montana, Nebraska, Nevada, New Hampshire, New York, North Dakota, Oklahoma, Oregon, Pennsylvania, South Dakota, Vermont, Virginia, and Wisconsin. On top of that, Delaware, Illinois, Iowa, Massachusetts, New Jersey, Rhode Island, Washington, and West Virginia have flags that are the state seal on some other background. What I'm saying here, in short, is that 60% of the states have flags that can only be described as hopelessly lame. If I were so inclined, I could start a "Bush Flag Factor" site talking about those. I'd even go so far as to say that there are only seven states that have truly good flags: Alaska, Arizona, Maryland, New Mexico, South Carolina, Tennessee, and Texas. I'm not the only one who feels this way, incidentally. The North American Vexilogical Society ("Vexilogical" is Latin for "flag nerd") published the results of a survey several years ago ranking the flags of the U.S. and Canada's states, provinces, adistricts, and territories. The top ten states, in order, were New Mexico, Texas, Maryland, Alaska, Arizona, South Carolina, Hawaii, California, Tennessee, and Ohio. I'm not sure I agree with them on Hawaii and California (Hawaii's is fine, but it's nothing special), but clearly the flag nerds and I are in general agreement. The worst state flags, according to them? The worst nineteen were all "seal-on-blue" flags; the worst twenty-seven were all "seal-on-something" flags. In short: Dear Utah, Connecticut, Idaho, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maine, Michigan, Minnesota, Montana, Nebraska, Nevada, New Hampshire, New York, North Dakota, Oklahoma, Oregon, Pennsylvania, South Dakota, Vermont, Virginia, Wisconsin, Delaware, Illinois, Iowa, Massachusetts, New Jersey, Rhode Island, Washington, and West Virginia: Get your shit together and come up with something better. Signed, me and the flag nerds.

The Salt Lake Bees do not have the actual Umortahmon symbol on their logo, opting instead for an actual bee ins— no, scratch that. Let's try again: The Salt Lake Bees do not have the actual Umortahmon symbol on their logo, opting instead for a typically goofy half-human, half-whatever-the-team-is-named mutant playing baseball. This Bee, unlike Burlington's, actually has legs, but it only has a total of four limbs instead of the six an actual bee would have. Its eyes are not compound, and while the antennae don't look Martian like Burlington's, they don't look particularly beelike, either. The creature appears to have three wings, and somehow manages to be wearing short sleeves despite not wearing a shirt, and has pant legs on each leg despite the fact that the pant legs don't appear to connect to anything. Maybe they're shin guards? Finally, it's open to debate whether there's supposed to be a stinger on the end, so the bee's gender will have to remain a mystery.

Standing to the right of the bee is the team name in a font which isn't anything special but does have a nifty, old-timey look to it. It is, in my opinion, about the only thing the logo got right. Still, that's one more thing done right than you'll find on Utah's flag. Or Connecticut's. Or Idaho's. Or...

Final Score: 122 points.
Penalties: Humanoid, 30 pts; Cartoon, 47 pts; Player, 51 pts.
Bonuses: Local, -6 pts.