West Tenn Diamond Jaxx

234

Before you ask, yes, the team really is named the West Tenn Diamond Jaxx. Not Western Tennessee. Not West Tennessee. West Tenn. I have my theories about this, and without going into specifics, let me simply say it's a derogatory comment about the quality of schools in a particular state. Oh heck, let's be specific: I don't think anyone in the region can spell Tennessee properly. Why should I think they can? They obviously don't know how to spell "Jacks" now, do they?

As a general rule, I think teams should use the city they play in as the geographic part of their name, and whenever they don't I wonder why. This team plays in the city of Jackson (or is it Jaxxon?). Why don't they want to admit that? I think I've found a reason, actually. Go to the Wikipedia entry on Jackson, Tennessee (Wikipedia should always be the first stop for anyone who is looking for something funny to say about a place with little or no regard for its accuracy), and you'll find that one of the major sections of the article is on Crime. Even Washington, D.C. and Detroit don't devote a major section to crime; for these two cities it's only a subsection. (However, I can't help but get a chuckle out of the fact that for Detroit, Crime is a subsection under the section "Law and government".)

The section on Crime in the Jackson, Tennessee article starts off by explaining how the Morgan Quitno lists of most dangerous cities are inaccurate and simplistic and shouldn't be taken seriously. Gee, why would they say that? We find out soon enough: it turns out Jackson was ranked as one of the five most dangerous cities in America for 2005, and in the top ten for 2006.

Now, I can understand why someone who doesn't want people to be afraid to visit Jackson might decide to make it clear that those lists shouldn't be taken seriously (although I'm not any more convinced by that disclaimer then you are). After all, what do you expect someone to say? "These rankings are perfectly accurate, and if you value your life you won't come within fifty miles of this hellhole"? No, that isn't going to happen (or at least it'll get removed as fast as it gets put up). But what I don't understand is why the person didn't just remove that section altogether. If you don't want people to associate your town with crime, you don't say "Yes the lists say we're dangerous as hell but you shouldn't listen to them." You say nothing at all. At least, that's what I'd do. Apparently others think differently. In any case, the fact remains that those lists do make Jackson, Tennessee sound like somewhere no sane person wants to visit.

So that's why, if you ask me, they're the "West Tenn" Diamond Jaxx instead of the Jackson Diamond Jaxx: because West Tenn isn't as dangerous as Jackson. It can't be, because there is no such place as West Tenn. West Tenn is as safe as Utopia, as safe as Shangri-La, as safe as Metropolis...okay, scratch that last one.

By now, you don't need me to tell you where the "Jaxx" part of their nickname comes from. (You probably need me to tell you why it's spelled Jaxx and not Jacks, but I can't help you there. My best guess is my earlier comment about the quality of schools in the area.) The "Diamond" part may be a bit trickier. It might — or might not — have something to do with diamond mining. The logo certainly suggests as much. I know that nearby Arkansas is currently the only place in America where diamonds are mined, but that doesn't mean there wasn't any diamond mining in the Jackson area in the past. I couldn't find any proof one way or the other. Of course, given that fact, I can't rule out the possibility that it's just a lame baseball reference; the logo certainly suggests that as well. I'm going to penalize them for it as if it was a baseball reference, just because I don't like the logo.

Speaking of which: First of all, they've clearly signed Mr. Pringle to their team. I'm not entirely kidding; the team does play at Pringle Park, after all. Mr. Pringle has put on a miner's cap, and has conveniently removed the light from said cap and replaced it with a hockey puck painted to look like a baseball. He has a baseball bat which has been converted into a miner's axe, or maybe it's a miner's axe which has been converted into a baseball bat — either way, I suspect it wouldn't be very effective in a mine and would get you thrown out of a baseball game. He is also holding a diamond in a way that looks fairly suggestive. Also, I'm fairly certain that if you really tried to hold a diamond like that, it would fall out of your hand. Grip it firmly enough and it would shoot out of...wow. There's some really twisted imagery in the way he's holding that diamond, that's all I have to say.

Finally, he is the size of Paul Bunyan and is rising out of a transdimensional portal located in the infield of a baseball field. This just makes the whole diamond-in-his-hand situation that much more disturbing. Forget the issue with how valid the crime rankings are. If this logo is any indication of what an experience at Pringle Park is like, then I don't want to come within fifty miles of the place no matter what the crime rate is.

Final Score: 234 points.
Penalties: Region, 8 pts; Reference, 10 pts; Misspell, 29 pts; Compound, 34 pts; Diamond (egregrious since there are two), 33 pts; Cartoon, 47 pts; Player, 51 pts; Name, 10 pts; Logo, 12 pts.
Bonuses: None.