Yakima Bears

19

Last week I made my feeling about the name "Bears" perfectly clear, so there's not a lot to say about the name. Let me quickly add that the name makes even more sense for a team in Washington state, and then move quickly on to the logo.

The Yakima Bears logo ought to be better than it is. It does get some stuff right. As I noted in last week's review, black bears are more disturbing on a psychological level even though brown bears are actually bigger and more dangerous. And the head-on view of an animal is always effective (for some examples, go over to the hockey side of this site and check out the Chicago Wolves or the Columbus Cottonmouths). But somehow, things just don't quite work here.

First of all, there's the round head. Now, before anyone says anything, I know that bears really do have round heads. But if I can deviate from reality by saying black bears in logos work better than brown bears, then I can also deviate from reality and say that the round head doesn't work. We don't associate round heads with fierceness. We associate round heads with cuteness. Micky Mouse has a round head. Hello Kitty has a round head. The Precious Moments characters have round heads. So even though it's black and grey, this bear's head looks a little too cute to work.

Second, something in the shoulders and arms looks funny. I can't quite put my finger on it, but the arms look too big for the shoulders.

But more important than that is the word "Yakima Bears" between the paws. At first, it reminded me of an accordion. But after looking at it for a bit, it doesn't remind me of this so much as a sign. This in and of itself doesn't seem so bad, but I instantly get this mental image of a bear standing in an airport holding up a sign for one Mr. Yakima Bears. This instantly raises two questions. One, is he holding this sign up for a person whose last name, by some bizarre coincidence, is "Bears", or for a fellow bear named "Yakima"? Second, how does a bear get through airport security? You can't even take a damn pair of nail clippers through airport security anymore, so how the hell do you get those claws past? Are they unable to stop bears on the grounds that it would constitute racial profiling? Or does the bear just show his claws and say "you're letting me through"? Because I don't know about you, but if I'm working airport security and a bear comes up to me, holds his claws threateningly, and says "you're letting me through", my response is not going to be "Sorry, I can't let you in." In all likelihood, it will be "Hey, where'd you learn to speak English?" If it isn't that, it's going to be "Yes, sir." Forgive me if that sounds like a dereliction of my duty, but you tell me in all honesty that you wouldn't do the same thing. Your thought process would be just like mine: "If I say no, I'm going to die. If I let him through, he will get on a plane, and I'll still be here, safe and alive. Yes, it will suck to be on the plane with a bear, but with any luck Samuel L. Jackson will be on that plane and he'll be done with the snakes and he'll take care of everything. Whatever. I don't care. I'm not telling that bear he can't go through, because I don't want to die."

This is just one of the many reasons why I've never applied for a job in airline security.

The next problem with the bear is that two thirds of his body has been severed. Draw lines moving inward at 45° from his armpits, and slice off everything below the lines, and that's all that's left of the bear. I can't tell from the picture whether he's kind of hovering in the air or if he's balancing on the floor, but if it's the latter, I'm impressed at his balance. Either way, I'm still letting him through security. Even if he's on the floor, he can still make my shins hurt like hell. And if he's hovering? Well, that's just creepy.

And lastly, he looks like he's smiling. Not a vicious, evil smile. Not a genuine, happy smile. He has the fixed smile of someone having his picture taken.

It's a shame, too, because overall this really ought to work. I have no doubt that with a little tweaking, you could make this logo look as fearsome as it must have been intended to be. Alter the head shape just enough to not look so cute (and maybe do something about the gumdrop-shaped ears while we're at it), make the teeth look more vicious, and add something to make it a little less symmetric. The diamond-point at the bottom probably can't be improved upon unless you want to draw the whole bear, so that can be left alone. Or maybe just get rid of everything but the head, and then make it more detailed. Because I'll give whoever designed this credit where credit is due: this is a very good concept for a logo. They just didn't quite pull it off.

Final Score: 19 points.
Penalties: Equipment, 13 pts; Diamond, 16 pts. Bonuses: Name, -10 pts.