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Aberdeen IronBirds
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Oklahoma City Dodgers*
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Orem Owlz
Ottawa Champions*
Palm Beach Cardinals
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Reading Fightin Phils
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Richmond Flying Squirrels*
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Visalia Rawhide*
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Charlotte Stone Crabs 38

Notice: All logos on this page are included within the parameters of 17 U.S.C. § 107, which states that the reproduction of a copyrighted work for purposes of criticism and/or comment is not an infringement of copyright. No challenge to the copyrights of these logos is intended by their inclusion here.
Posted 2014 June 8

I'm spending too much time, metaphorically and literally, in Florida this year. First of all, this is my third review of a Florida team this year, meaning I've reviewed more baseball teams in Florida this year than in the previous five years combined. Second, I actually spent a week in Florida back in April. I was visiting my parents, who (as I've mentioned in a previous review) have moved to Florida because apparently North Carolina isn't hot enough. And after spending just under a week in Florida, I find myself asking one simple question:

Why does anyone want to live in Florida?

Perhaps I should explain that I think North Carolina is too hot. My wife and I generally take our vacations in August, and we generally go way the hell up north because we need to escape the heat. We've been to the Finger Lakes a few times, the mountains of Virginia a couple of times, Maine once, Montana once, and Washington D.C. once. How many times have we gone south for a vaction? Not once. At least, not until it became the only way to see my parents. My parents, it should be noted, love Florida. I think they're crazy. I know they're crazy, if only because raising me and my brother would destroy anyone's sanity.

Temperature isn't the only issue. We were close to the Gulf, so the tap water was hopelessly brackish-tasting. (Few drinks have ever been as delicious to me as the water from the fountain in the Atlanta airport on the way home; I think the last time I enjoyed a drink so thoroughly was when I got to taste some bourbon that cost about $350 a bottle.) And do you think North Carolina is humid? The Mariana Trench is probably less humid than Florida. And there are alligators all over the damn place. Maybe it's just me, but when I see as many alligators as I saw in Florida, I take that as Mother Nature's way of telling me that humans should not be living nearby.

Now, to be fair, I did enjoy the trip. I enjoyed getting to see my parents, of course. Also, we got to visit some fairly nifty places like the Naples Zoo and the Edison/Ford Winter Estates (as in Thomas Edison and Henry Ford; they were next-door neighbors). One evening we got to watch the sun set over the Gulf, and there were a couple of dolphins swimming around under the pier. And I enjoyed seeing the alligators. I just don't want to live near them. I guess what I'm saying is that Florida is, as the old cliché goes, a nice place to visit but I wouldn't want to live there. And I really don't understand why anyone else does.

I could, I suppose, just ask my parents why they want to live in Florida, but I can't think of a way to ask "Is the fact that you're happy down here proof that you're insane?" without it sounding insulting. A loving son should not insult one's parents by calling them insane. This is especially true if one is culpable in that insanity.

We were, for the record, not too far from Port Charlotte, where the Charlotte Stone Crabs play ("Charlotte" is actually the name of the county in this instance), although we never made it quite that far north. I would have liked to have seen a game while I was down there, but we were busy doing other things, and let's face it, I can see baseball here in North Carolina. Okay, let's just be honest: I dropped the hint that I wouldn't mind taking in a game and everyone else responded by dropping a hint that they had zero interest.

Since this is ostensibly a logo review, I should probably mention the logo at least briefly. It's, uh, a stone crab. The crab is not colored accurately (actual stone crabs are reddish brown); instead, the team uses the same colors as its parent team, the Tampa Bay Rays. The crab has eyes with visible whites, which is sort of odd, and made even odder by the fact that the whites are yellow. Aside from that, however, it's your basic stylized drawing of a crab. No muss, no fuss. There's really only one problem with this logo, which is that if you want to see it on a jersey you have to go to Florida during the spring or summer. And that would be insane. And since you're not my parents and didn't have to put up with me and my brother for sixteen years, you have no excuse for being insane.

Final Score: 38 points.
Penalties: Region, 8 pts; Humanoid, 30 pts.
Bonuses: None.


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