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Teams with asterisks are not yet posted

Aberdeen IronBirds
Acereros del Norte*
Aigles de Trois-Rivieres*
Akron RubberDucks*
Albuquerque Isotopes
Alexandria Aces*
Altoona Curve
Arkansas Travelers
Asheville Tourists
Auburn Doubledays
Augusta GreenJackets
Batavia Muckdogs
Bay Area Toros*
Beloit Snappers
Billings Mustangs
Biloxi Shuckers
Binghamton Rumble Ponies*
Birmingham Barons
Bluefield Blue Jays
Boise Hawks*
Bowie Baysox*
Bowling Green Hot Rods
Bradenton Marauders
Bridgeport Bluefish
Bristol Pirates
Broncos de Reynosa
Brooklyn Cyclones
Buffalo Bisons
Burlington Bees
Burlington Royals*
Calgary Vipers*
Capitales de Quebec
Carolina Mudcats
Cedar Rapids Kernels
Charleston RiverDogs*
Charlotte Knights*
Charlotte Stone Crabs
Chattanooga Lookouts
Clearwater Threshers
Cleburne Railroaders*
Clinton LumberKings
Colorado Springs Sky Sox*
Columbia Fireflies*
Columbus Clippers
Connecticut Tigers
Corpus Christi Hooks
Danville Braves
Dayton Dragons
Daytona Tortugas
Delfines del Carmen*
Delmarva Shorebirds
Diablos Rojos del México*
Down East Wood Ducks*
Dunedin Blue Jays
Durham Bulls
Elizabethton Twins
Erie SeaWolves*
Eugene Emeralds*
Evansville Otters
Everett AquaSox
Fargo-Moorhead RedHawks
Fayetteville Astros*
Florence Freedom
Florida Fire Frogs*
Fort Myers Miracle
Fort Wayne TinCaps
Frederick Keys*
Fresno Grizzlies
Frisco RoughRiders
Gary SouthShore RailCats
Gateway Grizzlies
Grand Junction Rockies*
Great Falls Voyagers*
Great Lakes Loons
Greeneville Astros
Greensboro Grasshoppers
Greenville Drive
Guerreros de Oaxaca
Gwinnett Braves
Hagerstown Suns
Harrisburg Senators
Hartford Yard Goats*
Helena Brewers
Hickory Crawdads
Hillsboro Hops
Hudson Valley Renegades
Idaho Falls Chukars
Indianapolis Indians
Inland Empire 66ers*
Iowa Cubs
Jackson Generals
Jacksonville Jumbo Shrimp*
Johnson City Cardinals
Joliet Slammers*
Joplin Blasters
Jupiter Hammerheads
Kane County Cougars
Kannapolis Intimidators
Kansas City T-Bones
Kingsport Mets
Lake County Captains
Lake Elsinore Storm
Lake Erie Crushers*
Lakeland Flying Tigers*
Lakewood BlueClaws
Lancaster Barnstormers
Lancaster JetHawks
Lansing Lugnuts
Laredo Lemurs
Las Vegas 51s
Lehigh Valley IronPigs
Leones de Yucatán
Lexington Legends*
Lincoln Saltdogs
Long Beach Armada*
Long Island Ducks
Louisville Bats
Lowell Spinners
Lynchburg Hillcats*
Mahoning Valley Scrappers
Memphis Redbirds
Midland RockHounds
Mississippi Braves
Missoula Osprey
Mobile BayBears*
Modesto Nuts
Montgomery Biscuits
Myrtle Beach Pelicans
Nashville Sounds
New Britain Bees*
New Hampshire Fisher Cats
New Jersey Jackals
New Orleans Zephyrs
Norfolk Tides*
Normal CornBelters
Northwest Arkansas Naturals
Ogden Raptors*
Oklahoma City Dodgers*
Olmecas de Tabasco
Omaha Storm Chasers
Orem Owlz
Ottawa Champions*
Palm Beach Cardinals
Pawtucket Red Sox*
Pensacola Blue Wahoos
Peoria Chiefs
Pericos de Puebla
Piratas de Campeche
Pittsburg Diamonds*
Portland Sea Dogs
Potomac Nationals
Potros de Tijuana*
Princeton Rays*
Pulaski Mariners*
Quad City River Bandits*
Rancho Cucamonga Quakes
Reading Fightin Phils
Reno Aces
Richmond Flying Squirrels*
River City Rascals
Rochester Red Wings
Rockland Boulders
Rojos del Águila de Veracruz
Rome Braves
Round Rock Express
Sacramento River Cats*
Salem Red Sox
Salem-Keizer Volcanoes
Salt Lake Bees
San Antonio Missions
San Jose Giants
San Rafael Pacifics*
Saraperos de Saltillo
Sarasota Reds*
Schaumburg Boomers
Scranton/Wilkes-Barre RailRiders*
Sioux City Explorers
Sioux Falls Canaries
Somerset Patriots
Sonoma Stompers
South Bend Cubs
Southern Illinois Miners
Southern Maryland Blue Crabs
Spokane Indians
Springfield Cardinals
St. Lucie Mets
St. Paul Saints
State College Spikes
Staten Island Yankees
Stockton Ports
Sultanes de Monterrey
Sussex County Miners*
Syracuse Chiefs
Tacoma Rainiers*
Tampa Yankees
Tennessee Smokies
Texarkana Gunslingers*
Texas AirHogs
Tigres de Quintana Roo
Toledo Mud Hens
Toros de Tijuana
Traverse City Beach Bums
Trenton Thunder
Tri-City Dust Devils
Tri-City ValleyCats
Tucson Padres
Tulsa Drillers
Vallejo Admirals*
Vancouver Canadians
Vaqueros Laguna
Vermont Lake Monsters*
Visalia Rawhide*
Washington Wild Things
West Michigan Whitecaps
West Virginia Black Bears
West Virginia Power*
Wichita Wingnuts
Williamsport Crosscutters
Wilmington Blue Rocks
Windy City Thunderbolts
Winnipeg Goldeyes
Winston-Salem Dash
Wisconsin Timber Rattlers
York Revolution*
Lakewood BlueClaws 189

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Posted 2017 June 25

This name seems really odd to me.

The problem is not necessarily that a team in New Jersey is named after an animal mostly associated with the Chesapeake Bay. Those associations nonwithstanding, blue crabs have a range which extends along much of the Atlantic coast of the United States, and that includes New Jersey. So a team on the coast of New Jersey being named the BlueClaws makes sense.

Note that I said on the coast of New Jersey.

Lakewood isn't on the coast.

Oh, it's not far from the coast. You could be sitting in a parked car at the point in Lakewood which is farthest inland, and you could put the car in gear and be at the shore in less than half an hour. But still: not on the coast is not on the coast. There are several lakes in Lakewood (with a name like Lakewood, you'd hope there would be), but I don't know if the crabs make it into the lakes. I must confess I didn't spend too much time checking that. I started out by finding one name of one of the lakes (Lake Shenandoah) and tried to find out via Google whether there were any crabs in it. What I got was links to three separate news stories about three separate incidents where three separate bodies were found in Lake Shenandoah, one of which specifically stated that the body was that of a homicide victim. At this point I decided not to pursue the matter much further, and didn't even bother to find out the names of the other lakes in town.

There's another issue with the name. Lakewood, you see, has a higher percentage of Jewish residents than just about anywhere else in the country — fifty-nine percent. And a fairly large chunk of them are Orthodox. So what is the baseball team named after? A shellfish. And sure, I know that naming a team after an animal isn't necessarily an endorsement of using that animal as a foodstuff. But the bible says the reason you shouldn't eat shellfish is because they are "detestable to you". Who, I ask you, names a sports team after something that is "detestable"?

What? Pittsburgh Pirates, you say? Okay, but who else?

Oakland Raiders? Well, yeah, but that's just a variant on— all right, sure, it counts, but still, it's basically the same thing as—

Tampa Bay Buccan— look, can we knock it off with the synonyms for pirates? I get it. What I'm— what I'm trying to say— no, I don't want to hear one damn word about Bradenton, can I finish my damn sentence already? Thank you. Okay, so when it comes to sports teams named after groups of people we sometimes choose detestable people. But— yes, like Yankees. Wow, you're clever. But as I was saying or at least am trying to say, when we name teams after animals we're not doing it because they're detestable. There may be teams named after powerful things like snakes that scare us and also happen to be detestable, but not teams named after things with no distinguishing characteristic other than being detestable. Can we at least agree on that?

Sigh. You're right. The University of California at Santa Cruz does call its sports teams the Banana Slugs. You win. I retract my point.

Final Score: 189 points.
Penalties: Software, 27 pts; Compound, 34 pts; Humanoid, 30 pts; Cartoon, 47 pts; Player, 51 pts.
Bonuses: None.


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