Port HuronIcehawks

65

Today's review starts with a game. See if you can find the hidden word in the Port Huron Icehawks logo!

No, really. I'm not kidding. There really is one in there.

Here's a hint: Look at the icicles.

See it? For those who don't, the icicles in the middle of the logo form "KINNEY". My first thought upon noticing this was that it was some form of subliminal advertising for Kinney Shoes. Why someone would use subliminal advertising for a company that went under a decade ago is beyond me, but advertising is a strange, strange world. The truth is not nearly so interesting: the team is owned by Larry and Frank Kinney. This explains what's going on, but it certainly doesn't justify it. Putting your name into the logo of your team is one of the most inexcusable forms of hubris imaginable. At least the logo will serve as a reminder of who to blame when this team goes under.

And go under it most likely will. Sorry, but that's what teams in Port Huron do. How this city keeps getting team after team after team is beyond me, because they never draw many fans, and the teams never last long. Consider this: Here's a chart with all the teams in Port Huron in the past decade, with their attendance each season.

Year	Team	Attendance	Rank	Percentile
1997-98	Port Huron Border Cats	2,629	#87 of 102	15
1998-99	Port Huron Border Cats	2,669	#90 of 108	17
1999-2000	Port Huron Border Cats	2,537	#103 of 112	8
2000-01	Port Huron Border Cats	1,444	#106 of 106	0
2001-02	Port Huron Border Cats	1,718	#94 of 94	0
2002-03	Port Huron Beacons	1,991	#89 of 94	9
2003-04	Port Huron Beacons	1,493	#94 of 98	4
2004-05	Port Huron Beacons	1,659	#94 of 95	1
2005-06	Port Huron Flags	2,388	#83 of 88	6
2006-07	Port Huron Flags	1,938	#84 of 87	3

Please note that there were no name changes during this time frame; every time the name in this table changes, it means the team failed. The Border Cats and Flags folded, while the Beacons relocated to Roanoke, where they lasted a single season. And as for the Icehawks, their current attendance is in the 1200-1300 range, putting them ahead of only two teams out of eighty-four.

I can only think of one other city that has had a similar string of low-drawing teams but nonetheless keeps getting new ones. That city would be Winston-Salem, North Carolina, which since 1995 has been home to the Winston-Salem Mammoths, Winston-Salem T-Birds, Winston-Salem Polar Twins, Twin City Cyclones, and one other team. The Mammoths, T-Birds, and Polar Twins all lasted a single season (the jury is still out on the Cyclones, who are in their first season but are one of the two teams the Port Huron Icehawks are outdrawing).

Now about that "one other team". Coincidentally, this team was the Winston-Salem IceHawks, and it played in the same league that the Port Huron Icehawks do. They survived in Winston two full seasons (a pretty bad run, but still twice as long as any other in the past thirteen years). As you can see by looking to the left, they also had a logo that featured a bird which didn't particularly look like a hawk. As you can see by looking to the left, they also had a logo with icicles that spelled something. As you can see by looking to the left, they also had red and black as their team colors. And as you can see by looking to the left, they also had a logo that blows dead, chunky dog through a straw.

I'm looking at the two trying to decide which is bett— perhaps I should just say I'm trying to figure out which isn't as bad as the other. It's a tough call. The Winston-Salem logo has the goofy broken stick, the steroidal arms in place of wings, the aviator's helmet, and "icicles" which are solid red. The Port Huron logo has the goofy red eyes, the missing tooth (on a bird...ponder that for a second), the fade effect on the word "ICEHAWKS", and icicles with red tips as if dipped in blood (this somehow manages to be worse than solid red icicles, which are clearly intended stylistically). And, of course, it has the word "KINNEY" in the icicles. The Winston-Salem IceHawks were owned by a man named Art Shaver; note that there is no reference to this anywhere in the logo, which is good because the only way I see to work such a reference in is to get rid of the feathers on the bird's chin and I really wouldn't recommend drawing that. I think Winston-Salem's logo is the less repulsive of the two, but I'm not certain.

Incidentally, the as originally drawn was mostly grey (although the dipped-in-blood effect was already there). This was definitely a worse logo — there's hardly any color at all — but it at least makes more sense. I can see why a light grey bird would be dubbed an "ice hawk" (although it would make more sense if the bird in question actually looked like a hawk). How a black bird picks up that moniker is beyond me.

The long and short of it is that this logo sucks, but I wouldn't get too worked up about it. If history is any indication, there will be a different team here in another year or two anyway. With a little luck, it will have a better logo.

Final Score: 65 points.
Penalties: Ice, 9 pts; Compound, 13 pts; Cartoon, 17 pts; Anthropomorphization, 10 pts; Name-Logo, 2 pts; Fade, 6 pts; Yucky-Logo (egregious for "Kinney" in logo), 8 pts.
Bonuses: None