Stockton Heat

3

So first there was the Abbotsford Heat, who were owned by and affiliated with the Calgary Flames. And they really should have used the old Atlanta Flames logo (a capital A with a flame on the inside) as their logo, but they didn't because whoever was in charge of coming up with a logo was being stupid.

Then the Heat moved to Glens Falls, New York, where the team was dubbed the Adirondack Flames and did use the old Atlanta Flames logo. And Bush League Factor saw that it was good.

Then the team got moved to Stockton, California. Needless to say, you can't call your team the Stockton Heat and use the old Atlanta Flames logo without it looking very silly indeed. Nor can you call your team the Stockton Flames and use the old Atlanta Flames logo without it looking very silly indeed. In fact, you can't call your team anything starting with "Stockton" and use a logo which looks like a capital A without it looking very silly indeed. Clearly, there's only one option here:

They need to call the team something other than "Stockton".

Of course, that's not quite good enough. Ideally, the team needs to be called something starting with the letter A. Barring that, they need to pick something starting with the letter C so they can use the Calgary Flames, or maybe starting with a letter where you can use a variant of tha Atlanta Flames or Calgary Flames logo. Let's see, we could easily modify the C into a G, O, or Q, and with a little effort we could also make it into a D or P. As for the A, it's not so easy. With a little work we might manage to make it into an M or N, and with a lot of work we might manage a V, W, or Y. But really, the only option for continuing to use the Altanta Flames logo (and that would be preferable to using the Calgary Flames logo, because damn the Atlanta Flames had a good logo) would be to have a name starting with an A.

I know what you're thinking. "You're putting the cart before the horse here. Just accept that the team is in Stockton, and they need a new logo." No. I'm not going to. I said back in 2009 that the team needed to use the Atlanta Flames logo, in 2015 they finally did so, and just one year later they moved. I haven't had enough time to gloat about this. My ego is not yet sated. They should keep the Atlanta Flames logo another year or two. And if that means moving or using a name other than Stockton, so be it.

So let's see: Stockton is in the state of California. That's not an A, but we've got our backup plan: Call them the California Flames and use the Calgary logo. But like I said, I really want them to use the Atlanta logo.

Stockton is the county seat of San Joaquin County, but that doesn't help us any. Maybe we could go with a nickname. According to Wikipedia Stockton's nicknames are Brick City (no good), Mudville (no good, and wrong sport in any case), Port City (no good), and Fat City (no good, and what the hell?). Maybe I can—

No, hold on a second. I can't let that "Fat City" thing go. Where the hell does that come from? Wikipedia offers no further explanation, simply noting that the city was known by various names such as Tuleburg, Fat City, and Mudville in its early days. Checking the history page of the City of Stockton website yields nothing. It merely notes that the city had previously been known as Tuleburg and Mudville, and doesn't even mention Fat City. I'd be inclined to think this was a mistake on Wikipedia's part, except that there's a book written back in the 1960s which is called Fat City and is set in Stockton.

Okay, let's see if the tourism page can help. You never know. Oh, hey, it's got a "Fun Facts" page! Surely the reason a city is called "Fat City" would be considered a "fun fact", right? Ah, and the very first fact is...wait a second. "Prior to its incorporation in 1850, Stockton had several names, including 'Tuleburg', 'Gas City' and 'Mudville'." Gas City? Not Fat City? Damn it.

So now I've got this distraction of where the hell "Fat City" comes from and the distraction of coming up with a name that begins with "A" to give the team before I can actually start reviewing the logo. I have this sinking feeling I'm headed down a rabbit hole and I'm not going to come out until I make it to China, which is not only a horrible fate but a mixed metaphor to boot.

Okay, let's see if I can find something about the book that explains the nickname. Ah! Paydirt! A quote from the author in a 1969 interview. "Lots of people have asked me about the title of my book. It's part of Negro slang. When you say you want to go to Fat City, it means you want the good life. [ . . . ] The title is ironic. Fat City is a crazy goal no one is ever going to reach." So Fat City isn't really a nickname for Stockton unless it's one the city has picked up in the last 47 years. And really, who cares, because it doesn't start with the letter A in the first place.

So, one distraction down, one to go. What can I find to justify calling this place something starting with an A? Maybe there's a nearby city? Forgot Wikipedia, this is a job for Google Maps. So let me bring up Google Maps and...

I can hardly believe my luck.

Would you believe that there's a place not far from Stockton called Atlanta, California? It's about a 20-minute drive from the arena. It is, to be honest, a tiny village which probably has less than a hundred people in it. There's certainly nothing remotely resembling an arena there, so it's not like the team could actually relocate. But being so close by, they could just use the Atlanta name and be done with it. I know it would be odd for a city of 300,000 to have a team named after a village of a few dozen people, but come on! This is ordained by the gods here! I'm sure Atlanta was deliberately placed there by Randmcnallius, Roman god of mapmaking, so you would have this opportunity! It would be offensive to the gods to refuse! And if you've ever read any Roman myths, you know what a terrible idea it is to offend the gods!

But for now, you're still calling yourself the Stockton Heat, so let me look at that logo.

Yep, it's a logo.

Okay, that's not fair. If I get past my "that's not the Atlanta Flames logo" bias then I have to admit it's actually a good logo. But that's all I have time to say about it. I've spent so much time looking up Fat City and looking at maps that I'm going to miss Tom and Jerry if I don't wrap this up. And Tom and Jerry is awesome, so I'm going to go watch it now.

Final Score: 3 points.
Penalties: Singular, 6 pts; Name-Logo, 2 pts.
Bonuses: Cool-Logo, -5 pts.