This is not the worst logo I've seen in minor league hockey. It wasn't the one that evoked the most laughter. It won't earnt he highest score. But no other logo has irritated me as much.

Longtime readers of this site know that I keep going on about the Chicago Wolves logo. The way I go on about it, you might think I consider it to be the only good logo we've had in the past twenty years. That isn't true, of course -- among the current crop I'm also quite fond of the Gwinnet Gladiators, Johnstown Chiefs, and Wheeling Nailers (keep in mind on that last one I'm just talking about logos here, not names). But there were also some really good ones that are no longer around, such as the original Nashville Knights logo or any of the old Hampton Road/Norfolk Admirals logos before the current one. Another of the old greats was the logo the Portland Pirates used before the current one, which is reproduced below.

I'm not saying this was a perfect logo. The handkerchief on the head has a starburst effect which is reminiscent of a WWII flag of Japan, and I really don't like the way the dagger was turned into a hockey stick. But all in all, this is a really neat logo. It has a wonderful abstract quality to it, created in part by not drawing the outline of the face and in part by the reliance on straight lines and regular curves. It was balanced without being symmetrical. It was just a good logo all around. I generally have a rule against scoring old logos, but just to make a point I'll make an exception here. With their old logo, they had a negative score: 2 points for alliteration, 5 for equipment, a 3-point local, and a 5-point cool-logo bonus, giving them a final score of -1. Compare that witht the score the current logo gets.

So what did they do? They replaced it with another stupid logo that looks like all the other logos in hockey. Another silly little cartoon drawing of a man whose half-hockey, half-pirate clothing makes it clear he's suffering from an identity crisis. About the only good thing I can say about the new logo is that there's not a bear in it.

As for the name, there's really no room to complain there. I don't know if there were ever any actual pirates in the Portland area, and finding out on the web is just about impossible, because if you do a search you just get a bunch of stuff about the hockey team. But obviously it was a major port, and even if pirates never showed up in Portland itself, it goes without saying that people in Portland were affected by piracy. I'll give them the benefit of the doubt and give them a "Local" bonus on that. And of course, "Pirates" meets my basic rule for a good team name, which is that it should have connotations which inspire awe, fear, or respect.

I just wish they had a logo that did the same.

Final Score: 51 points.
Penalties: Alliteration, 2 pts; Cartoon, 17 pts; Name-logo, 2 pts; Equip-logo (quadruply-egregious), 25 pts; Yucky-Logo (egregious), 8 pts.
Bonuses: Local, -3 pts.