Hockey


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TEAMS

Teams with asterisks are not yet posted

Adirondack Thunder
Alaska Aces
Albany Devils
Allen Americans
Atlanta Gladiators
Bakersfield Condors
Binghamton Senators
Brampton Beast
Bridgeport Sound Tigers
Charlotte Checkers
Chicago Wolves
Cincinnati Cyclones
Cleveland Monsters
Colorado Eagles
Columbus Cottonmouths
Elmira Jackals
Evansville Thunderbolts
Fayetteville Fire Antz
Florida Everblades
Fort Wayne Komets
Grand Rapids Griffins
Greenville Swamp Rabbits
Hartford Wolf Pack
Hershey Bears
Huntsville Havoc
Idaho Steelheads
Iowa Wild
Indy Fuel
Kalamazoo Wings
Knoxville Ice Bears
Lehigh Valley Phantoms
Louisiana IceGators
Macon Mayhem
Manchester Monarchs
Manitoba Moose
Milwaukee Admirals
Mississippi RiverKings
Missouri Mavericks
Norfolk Admirals
Ontario Reign
Orlando Solar Bears
Peoria Rivermen
Pensacola Ice Flyers
Providence Bruins
Quad City Mallards
Rapid City Rush
Reading Royals
Roanoke Rail Yard Dawgs
Rochester Americans
Rockford IceHogs
San Antonio Rampage
San Diego Gulls
San Jose Barracuda
South Carolina Stingrays
Springfield Thunderbirds
St. John's IceCaps
Stockton Heat
Syracuse Crunch
Texas Stars
Toledo Walleye
Toronto Marlies
Tucson Roadrunners
Tulsa Oilers
Utah Grizzlies
Utica Comets
Wheeling Nailers
Wichita Thunder
Wilkes-Barre/Scranton Penguins
Each rule has a basic value -- most are positive, but there are a handful of negative-value rules for doing good things. Second, violations may be termed "egregious". Some rules have set guidelines for egregious violations (see Rule 1, "Region" as an example), while for others it's simply a matter of me deciding that the team broke the rule worse than most teams. For egregious violations, the value is multipled by 1.5. Violations can be doubly-egregious, in which case the value is multipled by 2.25 (i.e. 1.52). In some cases violations can be triply-egregious or even worse.

  1. Region (3 pts) -- Place name is a region, not a city (e.g., "Quad City"). Automatically egregious if the region in question is a state. Automatically egregious for each other team in the same league in the same region (doubly egregious for older teams in the same league in the same region). Automatically doubly-egregious for regions larger than a state.

  2. Misspell (11 pts) -- Something in the team name is misspelled (e.g., "Komets"). Automatically egregious if the misspelling occurs in the place name.

  3. Equip-Name (4 pts) -- A piece of hockey equipment is mentioned in the nickname (e.g. "Riverblades").

  4. Action (3 pts) -- An action performed in hockey is mentioned in the nickname (e.g., "Checkers").

  5. Ice (9 pts) -- The word "Ice" appears in the nickname. (e.g., "IceHogs").

  6. Kings (8 pts) -- The word "Kings" appears in the nickname. (e.g., "Riverkings")

  7. Compound (13 pts) -- The nickname is a made-up compound word (e.g., "Sound Tigers").

  8. Ers (9 pts) -- The nickname is a made-up word ending in "-ers" (e.g., "Nailers").

  9. Software (8 pts) -- The name has capital letters appearing in the middle of a word as if it were a software product (e.g., "FireAntz").

  10. Singular (6 pts) -- The nickname is singular or collective (e.g., "Storm").

  11. Wordplay (7 pts) -- Any form of wordplay is involved in the name (e.g., "Everblades").

  12. Alliteration (2 pts) -- More than one word (usually but not always the place name and nickname) start with the same sound and/or letter (e.g., "Portland Pirates", "Cape Fear FireAntz").

  13. Cartoon (17 pts) -- The logo features a cartoon character (e.g., the Adirondack IceHawks' bird). Note that stylized renderings of animals (such as the falcon in the Fresno Falcons' logo) are not cartoons.

  14. Anthropomorphization (10 pts) -- Human features (hands, teeth, etc.) have been given to something which ordinarily lacks these features (e.g., the Manitoba Moose logo). Anthropomorphized weather features usually are egregious simply because they look so stupid. When the object in question is a mythical creature (such as the "lock monster" in Lowell's logo), it is my discretion whether this rule applies.

  15. Irrelevance (14 pts) -- The dominant feature of the logo has nothing to do with the nickname (e.g., the turtle in the Memphis RiverKings' logo). Bears are automatically egregious (assuming they aren't relevant, of course) because they seem to be a favorite irrelevant feature among teams.

  16. Name-Logo (2 pts) -- The place name and/or nickname appears in the logo (e.g., just about every team in existence). If the name is the dominant feature, this is automatically a quadruply-egregious offense (this sounds nasty, but actually works out to only 7 pts). "Dominant feature" in such cases can be a bit of a judgment call, and I tend to rule in favor of the name not being the dominant feature. If I really can't decide, I may call it doubly-egregious and be done with it.

  17. Obvious (6 pts) -- The logo includes the word "hockey" (e.g., the Orlando Seals' logo). Automatically egregious if "pro(fessional)" is in there as well.

  18. Equip-Logo (5 pts) -- Hockey equipment appears in the logo (e.g., the stick in the Bakersfield Condors' logo). Every additional piece of equipment is egregious, although a pair of something that generally comes in pairs (skates, gloves, etc.) will count as only one item. Any creature dressed as a hockey player is automatically assumed to have a helmet/goalie mask, jersey, gloves, stick, and skates, even if some of these items are either not visible or visibly absent. This means that they are quadruply-egregious. If there's also a puck in view, it becomes quintuply-egregious.

  19. Colorful (13 pts) -- The logo either has too many colors in the logo, or inappropriate colors (e.g., the New Mexico Scorpions' logo, which by my count has seven). What constitutes "too many" and "inappropriate" are judgment calls, although teal is usually going to get dinged as inappropriate. Fortunately, the trend from overuse of teal seems to have died out.

  20. State (4 pts) -- The logo has either an outline of the state or the state flag. Texas is automatically egregious just because so damn many Texan teams do this.

  21. Fade (6 pts) -- A color "fade" effect appears in the logo. Why a special rule for this? It keeps me from having to decide how many different colors are in the fade effect, that's why.

  22. Offspring (5 pts) -- The team has the same name and/or logo as its parent team (e.g., "St. John's Maple Leafs").

  23. Ripoff (4 pts) -- The nickname and/or logo is too similar to an older team's (e.g., "Corpus Christi Rayz").

  24. Yucky-Logo, Cool-Logo (5 or -5 pts) -- If my general reaction to a logo is to say "Yuck!" (e.g., the Syracuse Crunch) then five points are added to the score; if my general reaction is to say "Cool!" (e.g., the Grand Rapids Griffins) then five points are subtracted.

  25. Yucky-Name, Cool-Name (4 or -4 pts) -- Same as above, but for names. You want examples? Okay, how about "Lubbock Cotton Kings" for the "yuck" and "Odessa Jackalopes" for the "cool".

  26. Local (-3 pts) -- The name has a valid connection to the town (e.g., "Norfolk Admirals"). This one is subjective and I do get the final say, but feel free to drop me a line if you think I'm unaware of the significance of a name.


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