Teams with asterisks are not yet posted

Aberdeen IronBirds*
Acereros del Norte
Águila de Veracruz
Aigles de Trois-Rivières
Akron RubberDucks
Albuquerque Isotopes
Algodoneros de Unión Laguna
Altoona Curve
Amarillo Sod Poodles
Arkansas Travelers
Asheville Tourists
Augusta GreenJackets
Beloit Sky Carp*
Billings Mustangs
Biloxi Shuckers
Binghamton Rumble Ponies
Birmingham Barons
Boise Hawks
Bowie Baysox
Bowling Green Hot Rods
Bradenton Marauders
Bravos de León
Brooklyn Cyclones
Buffalo Bisons
Capitales de Quebec
Carolina Mudcats
Cedar Rapids Kernels
Charleston Dirty Birds
Charleston RiverDogs
Charlotte Knights
Charros de Jalisco*
Chattanooga Lookouts
Chicago Dogs
Clearwater Threshers
Cleburne Railroaders
Columbia Fireflies
Columbus Clippers
Conspiradores de Querétaro*
Corpus Christi Hooks
Dayton Dragons
Daytona Tortugas
Delmarva Shorebirds
Diablos Rojos del México
Dorados de Chihuahua*
Down East Wood Ducks
Dunedin Blue Jays
Durham Bulls
El Paso Chihuahuas
Empire State Greys*
Erie SeaWolves
Eugene Emeralds
Evansville Otters*
Everett AquaSox
Fargo-Moorhead RedHawks
Fayetteville Woodpeckers
Florence Y'Alls
Fort Myers Mighty Mussels
Fort Wayne TinCaps
Fredericksburg Nationals
Fresno Grizzlies
Frisco RoughRiders
Gary SouthShore RailCats
Gastonia Baseball Club*
Gateway Grizzlies
Generales de Durango
Glacier Range Riders
Grand Junction Jackalopes
Great Falls Voyagers
Great Lakes Loons*
Greensboro Grasshoppers*
Greenville Drive
Guerreros de Oaxaca
Gwinnett Stripers
Hagerstown Flying Boxcars*
Harrisburg Senators
Hartford Yard Goats
Hickory Crawdads
High Point Rockers
Hillsboro Hops
Hudson Valley Renegades
Idaho Falls Chukars
Indianapolis Indians
Inland Empire 66ers of San

Iowa Cubs
Jacksonville Jumbo Shrimp
Jersey Shore BlueClaws*
Joliet Slammers
Jupiter Hammerheads
Kannapolis Cannon Ballers
Kansas City Monarchs
Lake County Captains
Lake Country DockHounds
Lake Elsinore Storm
Lake Erie Crushers
Lakeland Flying Tigers
Lancaster Stormers*
Lansing Lugnuts
Las Vegas Aviators
Lehigh Valley IronPigs
Leones de Yucatán
Lexington Legends
Lincoln Saltdogs*
Long Island Ducks
Louisville Bats
Lynchburg Hillcats
Memphis Redbirds
Midland RockHounds
Milwaukee Milkmen
Mississippi Braves
Missoula Paddleheads
Modesto Nuts
Montgomery Biscuits
Myrtle Beach Pelicans
Nashville Sounds
New England Knockouts*
New Hampshire Fisher Cats
New Jersey Jackals
New York Boulders
Norfolk Tides
Northern Colorado Owlz
Northwest Arkansas Naturals*
Oakland Ballers
Ogden Raptors
Oklahoma City Baseball Club*
Olmecas de Tabasco
Omaha Storm Chasers
Ottawa Titans
Palm Beach Cardinals
Pensacola Blue Wahoos
Peoria Chiefs
Pericos de Puebla
Piratas de Campeche
Portland Sea Dogs
Quad City River Bandits
Rancho Cucamonga Quakes
Reading Fightin Phils
Reno Aces
Richmond Flying Squirrels
Rieleros de Aguascalientes
Rochester Red Wings
Rocket City Trash Pandas
Rocky Mountain Vibes
Rome Emperors*
Round Rock Express
Sacramento River Cats
Salem Red Sox
Salt Lake Bees
San Antonio Missions
San Jose Giants
Saraperos de Saltillo
Schaumburg Boomers
Scranton/Wilkes-Barre RailRiders
Sioux City Explorers
Sioux Falls Canaries
Somerset Patriots
South Bend Cubs
Southern Maryland Blue Crabs
Spokane Indians
Springfield Cardinals
St. Lucie Mets
St. Paul Saints
Staten Island FerryHawks
Stockton Ports
Sugar Land Skeeters
Sultanes de Monterrey
Sussex County Miners*
Syracuse Mets
Tacoma Rainiers
Tampa Tarpons
Tecolotes de los Dos Laredos
Tennessee Smokies
Tigres de Quintana Roo
Toledo Mud Hens
Toros de Tijuana
Tri-City Dust Devils
Tri-City ValleyCats
Vancouver Canadians
Visalia Rawhide
Washington Wild Things
West Michigan Whitecaps
Wichita Wind Surge
Wilmington Blue Rocks
Windy City Thunderbolts
Winnipeg Goldeyes
Winston-Salem Dash
Wisconsin Timber Rattlers
Worcester Red Sox*
Yolo High Wheelers
York Revolution
Everett AquaSox 198

Notice: All logos on this page are included within the parameters of 17 U.S.C. § 107, which states that the reproduction of a copyrighted work for purposes of criticism and/or comment is not an infringement of copyright. No challenge to the copyrights of these logos is intended by their inclusion here.
Posted 2017 April 30

There is little need for what I do to come anywhere near the realm of fact-checking. Most team names are, after all, metaphorical. The Minnesota Vikings are not claiming to actually be seafaring Norwegians. The San Francisco Giants are not claiming to actually be twelve feet tall. The Atlanta Hawks are not claiming to actually be birds. The Los Angeles Angels are not claiming to actually be in Los Angeles. And so forth.

But sometimes the name the name seems like the sort of thing that can be parsed on a literal level. A lot of the players on Montreal's hockey team really are from Canada. Most if not all of the players on New England's football team are from the United States and most of them probably do love their country. Some names fall into a bit of a grey area — it's not ridiculous to think that all of the players on Seattle's baseball team spend a lot of time on boats, but it's not an obviously ridiculous claim.

But sometimes, the teams seem to be making literal claims, and their lying. Most players on Rochester's minor league hockey team are not, in fact, American. The Chicago White Sox don't actually wear white socks (their socks are black). The Oakland Athletics, if their record is any indication, aren't that athletic.

And then there's these guys. Like the Chicago White Sox, they're lying about their sock color. Not a big deal, of course, but why? In Chicago's case the team is over a century old and has gone through enough rebrandings and redesigns that wearing socks a different color from what their team name says isn't even the strangest thing they've ever done (one word: shorts). Back when the name debuted, the team really did wear white socks. But the Everett AquaSox are nowhere near that old, and I'm unaware of any evidence that they ever did wear aqua socks. Apparently the "aqua" comes from the fact that it rains a lot in Everett. It doesn't actually rain that much in Everett, but it is cloudy a lot so it probably seems like they get more rain than they actually do. (To be fair, lots of nearby areas do get a lot of rain, there's just a lot of funky microclimates in the Pacific Northwest.) So basically, the name has never really made sense.

And then there's the logo. I just— dear god. It's not just that the frog has nothing to do with socks of any color, or that his feet are orange, about as far on the color wheel as you can get from aqua. It's the way it's dangling its tongue under that baseball. A psychedelic-colored frog dangling its tongue under a baseball. Between the blatant drug reference and the blatant sexual reference, I just don't even know what to say. How do I— you know what? Screw it. I'm out of here.

Final Score: 198 points.
Penalties: Sox, 20 pts; Software, 27 pts; Equipment (egregious), 27 pts; Colorful (egregious), 63 pts; Irrelevance, 39 pts; Name, 10 pts; Logo, 12 pts.
Bonuses: None.

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