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Aberdeen IronBirds
Acereros del Norte
Águila de Veracruz*
Aigles de Trois-Rivières
Akron RubberDucks
Albuquerque Isotopes
Algodoneros de Unión Laguna
Altoona Curve
Amarillo Sod Poodles
Arkansas Travelers
Asheville Tourists
Augusta GreenJackets
Beloit Snappers
Billings Mustangs
Biloxi Shuckers
Binghamton Rumble Ponies*
Birmingham Barons
Boise Hawks
Bowie Baysox
Bowling Green Hot Rods
Bradenton Marauders
Bravos de León
Brooklyn Cyclones
Buffalo Bisons
Capitales de Quebec
Carolina Mudcats
Cedar Rapids Kernels
Charleston RiverDogs
Charlotte Knights
Chattanooga Lookouts
Chicago Dogs
Clearwater Threshers
Cleburne Railroaders*
Columbia Fireflies*
Columbus Clippers
Corpus Christi Hooks
Dayton Dragons
Daytona Tortugas
Delmarva Shorebirds
Diablos Rojos del México
Down East Wood Ducks*
Dunedin Blue Jays
Durham Bulls
El Paso Chihuahuas
Erie SeaWolves
Eugene Emeralds
Evansville Otters
Everett AquaSox
Fargo-Moorhead RedHawks
Fayetteville Woodpeckers*
Florence Y'Alls
Fort Myers Mighty Mussels
Fort Wayne TinCaps
Frederick Keys
Fredericksburg Nationals*
Fresno Grizzlies*
Frisco RoughRiders
Gary SouthShore RailCats
Gastonia Honey Hunters*
Gateway Grizzlies
Generales de Durango*
Grand Junction Rockies
Great Falls Voyagers
Great Lakes Loons
Greensboro Grasshoppers
Greenville Drive
Guerreros de Oaxaca
Gwinnett Stripers*
Harrisburg Senators
Hartford Yard Goats*
Hickory Crawdads
High Point Rockers
Hillsboro Hops
Houston Apollos*
Hudson Valley Renegades*
Idaho Falls Chukars
Indianapolis Indians
Inland Empire 66ers of San
   Bernardino

Iowa Cubs
Jackson Generals
Jacksonville Jumbo Shrimp*
Joliet Slammers
Jupiter Hammerheads
Kane County Cougars*
Kannapolis Cannon Ballers*
Kansas City Monarchs*
Lake County Captains
Lake Elsinore Storm
Lake Erie Crushers
Lakeland Flying Tigers
Lakewood BlueClaws
Lancaster Barnstormers
Lancaster JetHawks
Lansing Lugnuts
Las Vegas Aviators
Lehigh Valley IronPigs
Leones de Yucatán
Lexington Legends
Lincoln Saltdogs
Long Island Ducks
Louisville Bats
Lowell Spinners*
Lynchburg Hillcats*
Mariachis de Guadalajara*
Memphis Redbirds
Midland RockHounds
Milwaukee Milkmen*
Mississippi Braves
Missoula Paddleheads*
Modesto Nuts
Montgomery Biscuits
Myrtle Beach Pelicans
Napa Silveradoes*
Nashville Sounds*
New Hampshire Fisher Cats
New Jersey Jackals*
New York Boulders
Norfolk Tides
Northern Colorado Owlz*
Northwest Arkansas Naturals
Ogden Raptors*
Oklahoma City Dodgers
Olmecas de Tabasco*
Omaha Storm Chasers
Ottawa Titans*
Palm Beach Cardinals
Pensacola Blue Wahoos
Peoria Chiefs
Pericos de Puebla
Piratas de Campeche
Portland Sea Dogs
Quad City River Bandits
Rancho Cucamonga Quakes
Reading Fightin Phils
Reno Aces
Richmond Flying Squirrels
Rieleros de Aguascalientes
Rochester Red Wings
Rocket City Trash Pandas*
Rocky Mountain Vibes
Rome Braves
Round Rock Express
Sacramento River Cats
Salem Red Sox
Salt Lake Bees
San Antonio Missions
San Jose Giants
Saraperos de Saltillo
Schaumburg Boomers
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Sioux Falls Canaries
Somerset Patriots
Sonoma Stompers
South Bend Cubs
Southern Illinois Miners
Southern Maryland Blue Crabs
Spokane Indians
Springfield Cardinals
St. Lucie Mets
St. Paul Saints*
Stockton Ports
Sugar Land Skeeters
Sultanes de Monterrey*
Sussex County Miners*
Syracuse Mets*
Tacoma Rainiers*
Tampa Tarpons*
Tecolotes de los Dos Laredos*
Tennessee Smokies*
Tigres de Quintana Roo
Toledo Mud Hens
Toros de Tijuana*
Trenton Thunder
Tri-City Dust Devils
Tri-City ValleyCats
Vallejo Admirals*
Vancouver Canadians
Visalia Rawhide
Washington Wild Things
West Michigan Whitecaps
West Virginia Power
Wichita Wind Surge*
Wilmington Blue Rocks
Windy City Thunderbolts
Winnipeg Goldeyes
Winston-Salem Dash*
Wisconsin Timber Rattlers
Worcester Red Sox*
York Revolution
Everett AquaSox 198

Notice: All logos on this page are included within the parameters of 17 U.S.C. § 107, which states that the reproduction of a copyrighted work for purposes of criticism and/or comment is not an infringement of copyright. No challenge to the copyrights of these logos is intended by their inclusion here.
Posted 2017 April 30

There is little need for what I do to come anywhere near the realm of fact-checking. Most team names are, after all, metaphorical. The Minnesota Vikings are not claiming to actually be seafaring Norwegians. The San Francisco Giants are not claiming to actually be twelve feet tall. The Atlanta Hawks are not claiming to actually be birds. The Los Angeles Angels are not claiming to actually be in Los Angeles. And so forth.

But sometimes the name the name seems like the sort of thing that can be parsed on a literal level. A lot of the players on Montreal's hockey team really are from Canada. Most if not all of the players on New England's football team are from the United States and most of them probably do love their country. Some names fall into a bit of a grey area — it's not ridiculous to think that all of the players on Seattle's baseball team spend a lot of time on boats, but it's not an obviously ridiculous claim.

But sometimes, the teams seem to be making literal claims, and their lying. Most players on Rochester's minor league hockey team are not, in fact, American. The Chicago White Sox don't actually wear white socks (their socks are black). The Oakland Athletics, if their record is any indication, aren't that athletic.

And then there's these guys. Like the Chicago White Sox, they're lying about their sock color. Not a big deal, of course, but why? In Chicago's case the team is over a century old and has gone through enough rebrandings and redesigns that wearing socks a different color from what their team name says isn't even the strangest thing they've ever done (one word: shorts). Back when the name debuted, the team really did wear white socks. But the Everett AquaSox are nowhere near that old, and I'm unaware of any evidence that they ever did wear aqua socks. Apparently the "aqua" comes from the fact that it rains a lot in Everett. It doesn't actually rain that much in Everett, but it is cloudy a lot so it probably seems like they get more rain than they actually do. (To be fair, lots of nearby areas do get a lot of rain, there's just a lot of funky microclimates in the Pacific Northwest.) So basically, the name has never really made sense.

And then there's the logo. I just— dear god. It's not just that the frog has nothing to do with socks of any color, or that his feet are orange, about as far on the color wheel as you can get from aqua. It's the way it's dangling its tongue under that baseball. A psychedelic-colored frog dangling its tongue under a baseball. Between the blatant drug reference and the blatant sexual reference, I just don't even know what to say. How do I— you know what? Screw it. I'm out of here.

Final Score: 198 points.
Penalties: Sox, 20 pts; Software, 27 pts; Equipment (egregious), 27 pts; Colorful (egregious), 63 pts; Irrelevance, 39 pts; Name, 10 pts; Logo, 12 pts.
Bonuses: None.


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