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Teams with asterisks are not yet posted

Aberdeen IronBirds
Acereros del Norte*
Aigles de Trois-Rivieres*
Akron RubberDucks*
Albuquerque Isotopes
Alexandria Aces*
Altoona Curve
Arkansas Travelers
Asheville Tourists*
Auburn Doubledays
Augusta GreenJackets
Batavia Muckdogs
Bay Area Toros*
Beloit Snappers
Billings Mustangs
Biloxi Shuckers
Binghamton Rumble Ponies*
Birmingham Barons
Bluefield Blue Jays
Boise Hawks*
Bowie Baysox*
Bowling Green Hot Rods
Bradenton Marauders
Bridgeport Bluefish
Bristol Pirates
Broncos de Reynosa
Brooklyn Cyclones
Buffalo Bisons
Burlington Bees
Burlington Royals*
Calgary Vipers*
Capitales de Quebec
Carolina Mudcats
Cedar Rapids Kernels
Charleston RiverDogs*
Charlotte Knights*
Charlotte Stone Crabs
Chattanooga Lookouts
Clearwater Threshers
Cleburne Railroaders*
Clinton LumberKings
Colorado Springs Sky Sox*
Columbia Fireflies*
Columbus Clippers
Connecticut Tigers
Corpus Christi Hooks
Danville Braves
Dayton Dragons
Daytona Tortugas
Delfines del Carmen*
Delmarva Shorebirds
Diablos Rojos del México*
Down East Wood Ducks*
Dunedin Blue Jays
Durham Bulls
Elizabethton Twins
Erie SeaWolves*
Eugene Emeralds*
Evansville Otters
Everett AquaSox
Fargo-Moorhead RedHawks
Fayetteville Astros*
Florence Freedom
Florida Fire Frogs*
Fort Myers Miracle
Fort Wayne TinCaps
Frederick Keys*
Fresno Grizzlies
Frisco RoughRiders
Gary SouthShore RailCats
Gateway Grizzlies
Grand Junction Rockies*
Great Falls Voyagers*
Great Lakes Loons
Greeneville Astros
Greensboro Grasshoppers
Greenville Drive
Guerreros de Oaxaca
Gwinnett Braves
Hagerstown Suns
Harrisburg Senators
Hartford Yard Goats*
Helena Brewers
Hickory Crawdads
Hillsboro Hops
Hudson Valley Renegades
Idaho Falls Chukars
Indianapolis Indians
Inland Empire 66ers*
Iowa Cubs
Jackson Generals
Jacksonville Jumbo Shrimp*
Johnson City Cardinals
Joliet Slammers*
Joplin Blasters
Jupiter Hammerheads
Kane County Cougars
Kannapolis Intimidators
Kansas City T-Bones
Kingsport Mets
Lake County Captains
Lake Elsinore Storm
Lake Erie Crushers*
Lakeland Flying Tigers*
Lakewood BlueClaws
Lancaster Barnstormers
Lancaster JetHawks
Lansing Lugnuts
Laredo Lemurs
Las Vegas 51s
Lehigh Valley IronPigs
Leones de Yucatán
Lexington Legends*
Lincoln Saltdogs
Long Beach Armada*
Long Island Ducks
Louisville Bats
Lowell Spinners
Lynchburg Hillcats*
Mahoning Valley Scrappers
Memphis Redbirds
Midland RockHounds
Mississippi Braves
Missoula Osprey
Mobile BayBears*
Modesto Nuts
Montgomery Biscuits
Myrtle Beach Pelicans
Nashville Sounds*
New Britain Bees*
New Hampshire Fisher Cats
New Jersey Jackals
New Orleans Zephyrs
Norfolk Tides*
Normal CornBelters
Northwest Arkansas Naturals
Ogden Raptors*
Oklahoma City Dodgers*
Olmecas de Tabasco
Omaha Storm Chasers
Orem Owlz
Ottawa Champions*
Palm Beach Cardinals
Pawtucket Red Sox*
Pensacola Blue Wahoos
Peoria Chiefs
Pericos de Puebla
Piratas de Campeche
Pittsburg Diamonds*
Portland Sea Dogs
Potomac Nationals
Potros de Tijuana*
Princeton Rays*
Pulaski Mariners*
Quad City River Bandits*
Rancho Cucamonga Quakes
Reading Fightin Phils
Reno Aces
Richmond Flying Squirrels*
River City Rascals
Rochester Red Wings
Rockland Boulders
Rojos del Águila de Veracruz
Rome Braves
Round Rock Express
Sacramento River Cats*
Salem Red Sox
Salem-Keizer Volcanoes
Salt Lake Bees
San Antonio Missions
San Jose Giants
San Rafael Pacifics*
Saraperos de Saltillo
Sarasota Reds*
Schaumburg Boomers
Scranton/Wilkes-Barre RailRiders*
Sioux City Explorers
Sioux Falls Canaries
Somerset Patriots
Sonoma Stompers
South Bend Cubs
Southern Illinois Miners
Southern Maryland Blue Crabs
Spokane Indians
Springfield Cardinals
St. Lucie Mets
St. Paul Saints
State College Spikes
Staten Island Yankees
Stockton Ports
Sultanes de Monterrey
Sussex County Miners*
Syracuse Chiefs
Tacoma Rainiers*
Tampa Yankees
Tennessee Smokies
Texarkana Gunslingers*
Texas AirHogs
Tigres de Quintana Roo
Toledo Mud Hens
Toros de Tijuana
Traverse City Beach Bums
Trenton Thunder
Tri-City Dust Devils
Tri-City ValleyCats
Tucson Padres
Tulsa Drillers
Vallejo Admirals*
Vancouver Canadians
Vaqueros Laguna
Vermont Lake Monsters*
Visalia Rawhide*
Washington Wild Things
West Michigan Whitecaps
West Virginia Black Bears
West Virginia Power*
Wichita Wingnuts
Williamsport Crosscutters
Wilmington Blue Rocks
Windy City Thunderbolts
Winnipeg Goldeyes
Winston-Salem Dash
Wisconsin Timber Rattlers
York Revolution*
Hillsboro Hops 133

Notice: All logos on this page are included within the parameters of 17 U.S.C. § 107, which states that the reproduction of a copyrighted work for purposes of criticism and/or comment is not an infringement of copyright. No challenge to the copyrights of these logos is intended by their inclusion here.
Posted 2015 April 19

I don't particularly care to make jokes about hipsters. There are two reasons for this. One is that it's seriously low-hanging fruit. I know this because one night (when, I hasten to add, I was at the gym on a crowded night and had no control over what channel the TV in front of me was on), I saw part of an episode of Two Broke Girls where they were making fun of hipsters. I'm fairly certain that show has never made a joke that wasn't low-hanging fruit; that show made a joke about hipsters; QED.

The other reason is that I'm not entirely sure how much right I have to be making fun of hipsters. My music collection has its share of indie bands, and an even larger share of prog, which is the "bands you've never heard of" from 40 years ago. (Sure, you've heard of Yes and Pink Floyd, but I've got albums by bands like Banco del Mutuo Soccorso and Camel, for crying out loud.) When I was in college, I had a fedora and wore it often. (Even worse, this was before fedoras were cool.) I can be pretentious as fuck when the mood strikes (See "I've got albums by bands like Banco del Mutuo Soccorso and Camel", above). And I love me some craft beer.

But honestly, how do I review this team without saying something about hipsters? They play in a suburb of Portland, Oregon. And one of the meanings of the team's name* is the plant used to make beer. That gives us both some ironic cred (you named your team after a freaking plant? WHO DOES THAT?) and the craft beer reference. This team is practically begging me to make hipster jokes about it.

Except that I don't really have to. Below I'm going to list the titles of several articles used as sources for the Wikipedia page on hipsters (of course there's a Wikipedia page on hipsters; did you really think there wouldn't be?). The titles may not give you any insight into hipster subculture, but it's an interesting look at what other people think of hipster subculture:

  • Kill the hipster: Why the hipster must die: A modest proposal to save New York cool.
  • Hipster: The Dead End of Western Civilization
  • Poll: Many Americans dislike hipsters, are open to hipster annoyance levy
  • What do hipsters and pornography have in common?
  • Why Does Everyone Hate Hipster Assholes?
  • Sen Orrin Hatch on Keystone Pipeline: Obama traded in "Hard Hat" for "Hipster Fedora"
I have no idea what that last one even means, but I think the others make the point.

So enough about the name. Let's turn our attention to the logo and— ah, jeeze. They anthropomorphized the plant, gave it a baseball cap, and stuck it next to the name of the team written in baseball script. Again, any joke I could make would be low-hanging fruit.

Screw it. I'm going to go have a drink and be done with it. And the drink I'm going to have it probably going to be wine, because this logo is ruining any appetite I might have had for beer.


* The other meaning is the various hops a ball can take during play.

Final Score: 133 points.
Penalties: Reference, 10 pts; Alliteration, 5 pts; Script, 7 pts; Scenery, 11 pts; Equipment, 13 pts; Humanoid, 30 pts; Cartoon, 47 pts; Name, 10 pts.
Bonuses: None.


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