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Teams with asterisks are not yet posted

Aberdeen IronBirds
Acereros del Norte*
Aigles de Trois-Rivieres*
Akron RubberDucks*
Albuquerque Isotopes
Alexandria Aces*
Altoona Curve
Arkansas Travelers
Asheville Tourists*
Auburn Doubledays
Augusta GreenJackets
Batavia Muckdogs
Bay Area Toros*
Beloit Snappers
Billings Mustangs
Biloxi Shuckers
Binghamton Rumble Ponies*
Birmingham Barons
Bluefield Blue Jays
Boise Hawks*
Bowie Baysox*
Bowling Green Hot Rods
Bradenton Marauders
Bridgeport Bluefish*
Bristol Pirates
Broncos de Reynosa
Brooklyn Cyclones
Buffalo Bisons
Burlington Bees
Burlington Royals*
Calgary Vipers*
Capitales de Quebec
Carolina Mudcats
Cedar Rapids Kernels
Charleston RiverDogs*
Charlotte Knights*
Charlotte Stone Crabs
Chattanooga Lookouts
Clearwater Threshers
Cleburne Railroaders*
Clinton LumberKings
Colorado Springs Sky Sox*
Columbia Fireflies*
Columbus Clippers
Connecticut Tigers
Corpus Christi Hooks
Danville Braves
Dayton Dragons
Daytona Tortugas
Delfines del Carmen*
Delmarva Shorebirds
Diablos Rojos del México*
Down East Wood Ducks*
Dunedin Blue Jays
Durham Bulls
Elizabethton Twins
Erie SeaWolves*
Eugene Emeralds*
Evansville Otters
Everett AquaSox
Fargo-Moorhead RedHawks
Fayetteville Astros*
Florence Freedom
Florida Fire Frogs*
Fort Myers Miracle
Fort Wayne TinCaps
Frederick Keys*
Fresno Grizzlies
Frisco RoughRiders*
Gary SouthShore RailCats
Gateway Grizzlies
Grand Junction Rockies*
Great Falls Voyagers*
Great Lakes Loons
Greeneville Astros
Greensboro Grasshoppers
Greenville Drive
Guerreros de Oaxaca
Gwinnett Braves
Hagerstown Suns
Harrisburg Senators
Hartford Yard Goats*
Helena Brewers
Hickory Crawdads
Hillsboro Hops
Hudson Valley Renegades
Idaho Falls Chukars*
Indianapolis Indians
Inland Empire 66ers*
Iowa Cubs
Jackson Generals
Jacksonville Jumbo Shrimp*
Johnson City Cardinals
Joliet Slammers*
Joplin Blasters
Jupiter Hammerheads
Kane County Cougars*
Kannapolis Intimidators
Kansas City T-Bones
Kingsport Mets
Lake County Captains
Lake Elsinore Storm
Lake Erie Crushers*
Lakeland Flying Tigers*
Lakewood BlueClaws
Lancaster Barnstormers
Lancaster JetHawks
Lansing Lugnuts
Laredo Lemurs
Las Vegas 51s
Lehigh Valley IronPigs
Leones de Yucatán
Lexington Legends*
Lincoln Saltdogs
Long Beach Armada*
Long Island Ducks
Louisville Bats
Lowell Spinners
Lynchburg Hillcats*
Mahoning Valley Scrappers
Memphis Redbirds
Midland RockHounds
Mississippi Braves
Missoula Osprey
Mobile BayBears*
Modesto Nuts
Montgomery Biscuits
Myrtle Beach Pelicans
Nashville Sounds*
New Britain Bees*
New Hampshire Fisher Cats
New Jersey Jackals
New Orleans Zephyrs
Norfolk Tides*
Normal CornBelters
Northwest Arkansas Naturals
Ogden Raptors*
Oklahoma City Dodgers*
Olmecas de Tabasco
Omaha Storm Chasers
Orem Owlz
Ottawa Champions*
Palm Beach Cardinals
Pawtucket Red Sox*
Pensacola Blue Wahoos
Peoria Chiefs
Pericos de Puebla
Piratas de Campeche
Pittsburg Diamonds*
Portland Sea Dogs
Potomac Nationals
Potros de Tijuana*
Princeton Rays*
Pulaski Mariners*
Quad City River Bandits*
Rancho Cucamonga Quakes
Reading Fightin Phils
Reno Aces
Richmond Flying Squirrels*
River City Rascals
Rochester Red Wings
Rojos del Águila de Veracruz
Rome Braves
Round Rock Express
Sacramento River Cats*
Salem Red Sox
Salem-Keizer Volcanoes
Salt Lake Bees
San Antonio Missions
San Jose Giants
San Rafael Pacifics*
Saraperos de Saltillo
Sarasota Reds*
Schaumburg Boomers
Scranton/Wilkes-Barre RailRiders*
Sioux City Explorers
Sioux Falls Canaries
Somerset Patriots
Sonoma Stompers
South Bend Cubs
Southern Illinois Miners
Southern Maryland Blue Crabs
Spokane Indians
Springfield Cardinals
St. Lucie Mets
St. Paul Saints
State College Spikes
Staten Island Yankees
Stockton Ports
Sultanes de Monterrey
Sussex County Miners*
Syracuse Chiefs
Tacoma Rainiers*
Tampa Yankees
Tennessee Smokies
Texarkana Gunslingers*
Texas AirHogs
Tigres de Quintana Roo
Toledo Mud Hens
Toros de Tijuana
Traverse City Beach Bums
Trenton Thunder*
Tri-City Dust Devils
Tri-City ValleyCats
Tucson Padres
Tulsa Drillers
Vallejo Admirals*
Vancouver Canadians
Vaqueros Laguna
Vermont Lake Monsters*
Visalia Rawhide*
Washington Wild Things
West Michigan Whitecaps
West Virginia Black Bears
West Virginia Power*
Wichita Wingnuts
Williamsport Crosscutters
Wilmington Blue Rocks
Windy City ThunderBolts*
Winnipeg Goldeyes
Winston-Salem Dash
Wisconsin Timber Rattlers
York Revolution*
Modesto Nuts 392

Notice: All logos on this page are included within the parameters of 17 U.S.C. § 107, which states that the reproduction of a copyrighted work for purposes of criticism and/or comment is not an infringement of copyright. No challenge to the copyrights of these logos is intended by their inclusion here.
Posted 2017 April 16

For as long as I can remember, I have been allergic to pecans.* It's not an anaphylactic reaction, but it's unpleasant enough in its own way: not long after they hit my stomach, the pecans will shift my stomach into reverse gear. I honestly don't remember a time that I didn't know that eating a pecan, or even a small part of one, would make me throw up.

When I was in first grade, everyone in my class had to do a project where we made something. It could be anything as long as it was physical. (I actually made an AM radio of all things, which would have been a lot more impressive had it not been impossible to get a signal in our classroom.) One of my friends made brownies. Like a lot of people, he thought browines should have pecans in them. But at some point in advance he asked the class if anyone was allergic, and I spoke up, and he asked if walnuts were okay, and I told him they were (because apparently the idea that I might be allergic to something and not know it was foreign to my six-year-old brain). So he made them with walnuts instead. You've probably guessed where this story is headed, and you're absolutely right. This was the day I discovered I was allergic to walnuts. Fortunately, I always have some warning of what's about to happen before it does, so I was able to make it to the bathroom in time. At least, that's how I remember it. My brain might have subconsciously changed a few details to spare myself some trauma. I also seem to remember that all of my classmates were concerned and not one of them laughed at me. So my brain probably has changed a few details.

From that day on I've just taken the attitude that I'm allergic to all nuts. I had already eaten plenty of peanuts by this time and knew they were fine, but that's the only exception I acknowledge. Hazelnuts? Never had one, but I'm fairly certain I'm allergic. Chestnuts? Same story. Cashews? Aren't they actually legumes, like peanuts? Doesn't matter. It's not worth it to me. I've gone forty-seven years without having one, so I'm fairly certain I won't miss it.

With all of this in mind, you'll probably understand when I say that when I first looked at this team's name and logo I didn't have quite the same immediate reaction of "Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha! They named their team after food!" that I had when I first saw the logo for the Kansas City T-Bones or the Syracuse Crunch. I simply don't look at nuts and immediately think of food. Now, you may be thinking to yourself, "Hold on, man. Surely you're not about to tell me you like this logo." No. I'm just saying that it usually takes me a couple of seconds to realize that for most people nuts are food, so it took me a couple of seconds before I said "Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha! They named their team after food!"

Shelley, Al, and Wally. Or Shelley, Wally, and Al. Hell if I know.
As you can see, the logo has two nuts in it. You may be wondering what kind of nuts. As best as I can determine, it's an almond and a walnut. At least, I assume so because the team has three mascosts — Al the Almond, Wally the Walnut, and Shelley the Pistachio — and neither of these two looks like a Shelley. Note that I didn't say neither of them looks like a pistachio. I have no idea what a pistachio looks like. I know what Shelley looks like because I found a picture online of Al, Wally, and Shelley. Pistachios? No clue. Nor do I know what an almond or a walnut looks like. Why would I? If it wasn't for the names of the mascots I'd have no idea what kind of nuts these were supposed to be. Hell, the only reason I know it's Shelley that's missing is because Shelley is a girl's name and Al and Wally are boy's names and one of the mascots is clearly intended to be female. I have no idea which one is Al and which one is Wally, so I also have no idea which one is the walnut and which one is the almond. If you want to help me out and let me know, feel free, but to be honest, I don't actually give a shit. They're nuts. I want nothing to do with them.

Of course, that's not the only way in which I want nothing to do with this logo. Do I even need to explain? Can we just agree that the problem with putting a baseball-playing, anthropomorphized walnut in a logo is obvious and I don't need to explain what the problem is? Good. Because I really want to wrap this review up and move on. If I keep looking at this logo much longer, I'm probably going to react in the same way as if I'd actually eaten a nut.


* Now, before we go any further, let me get one thing off my chest. It seems to be an ongoing dispute among many people in the United States how one properly pronounces the word pecan. And for reasons that completely escape my ability to discern, this is serious business to a lot of people. It's such serious business that I shouldn't even say this is serious business. I should say this is serious business. I may need to underline it as well. I'm not sure. There are, for the record, four pronunciations in use. In IPA, they are /'pi kæn/, /'pi kɑn/, /pi 'kɑn/, and /pi 'kɑn/. Or, to use a writing more of you are likely to understand, "PEA can", "PEA con", "puh CON", and "pea CON". I'd tell you which pronunciation is more common where, but it's a little complicated and in most places there are two (or more) competing pronunciations anyway. But wherever you go one thing holds true, and this is the point I want to make: This is a stupid argument. You wanna pronounce it "PEA can"? Go right ahead. You prefer "puh CON"? That's fine, too. Seriously, you should never make fun of someone because of the way someone pronounces pecan. Save it for more important issues, like those freaks who pronounce aunt to rhyme with gaunt. That's just weird, people.


Final Score: 392 points.
Penalties: Humanoid (triply-egregious), 126 pts; Cartoon, 47 pts; Player (egregious), 103 pts; Name, 10 pts; Logo, 12 pts.
Bonuses: Local, -6 pts.


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