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Albany Devils 5

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Posted 2010 November 22

Sigh. How many times are we going to walk down this road, anyway? Another team affiliated with the New Jersey Devils, another team that takes the Devils' logo and replaces the "NJ" monogram with the first letter of the city the team is located in. This happened with the Utica Devils, it happened with the Lowell Devils, and it sort of happened with the Trenton Devils except that they didn't even bother to get rid of the "NJ" monogram that time. Now it's happened with the Albany Devils. It was sort of clever the first time, but it's getting old. No, scratch that: it has gotten old.

I know what they're doing. They're working on a font. Next they're going to head down to Baltimore so we can get the "B". Then they'll set up shop in Greensboro to get the "G" (they're not going to go in order because they don't want it to be too obvious). Then they'll pick up the "W" in Worcester. And so forth.

I can't help but wonder where they're going to go to hit some of those letters. Some of them are obvious: "Q" will be either Québec or Quad City, for example. Others, not so much. Do you know what the biggest city in the United States or Canada beginning with the letter "X" is? As best as I can determine, it's Xenia, Ohio, population 24,000. The second biggest? That would be Xenia, Illinois, population 400. The third biggest? There isn't one. There are apparently only two cities in either of these countries starting with the letter "X", and they both have the same name (although I'm sure the e-mails are about to start pouring in telling me about others). The letter "Z" isn't much better. There are more cities starting with the letter "Z" (thirty-one, to be precise), but the biggest is only 26,000. That city, incidentally, is Zanesville, Ohio. I have no idea what the deal is with Ohio and cities starting with unusual letters.

But these are minor details. The Devils will think of something (Xenia is near Dayton...maybe they'll build an arena out in the 'burbs). It will take a while, because you can't make it too obvious that you're intending to relocate to another lett— er, city in a few years, but they'll manage. I estimate they'll finish in about 2079. I won't be alive to see it unless I live to be 109, but I'm confident it will happen. And the following year, the New Jersey team that bankrolls all these moves will probably fold, a victim of the Great Depression of 2080. Why? Because that's just how these things work out. Once they finish the alphabet they will have achieved a form of perfection. And perfection never lasts long. It's like that poem by Shelley. Look upon my 26 letters with horns and tails, ye mighty, and despair.

Final Score: 5 points.
Penalties: Offspring, 5 pts.
Bonuses: None.

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