Savannah Ghost Pirates

40

It's not just me, is it?

I know what the logo is supposed to look like. It's right there in the name, after all: Ghost Pirates. It's a ghost dressed up like a pirate, right?

So why do I think it looks more like a sperm cell dressed up like a pirate?

I know that makes no sense. Not that the idea of a ghost dressed up like a pirate makes that much sense, either. But then, it's not really a ghost dressed up like a pirate, either, is it? If we have to accept the notion that this is intended to represent a ghost in some fashion, then it's still not so much actual ghost as it is someone who threw a sheet over himself as a Halloween costume, decided that wasn't enough, and then threw on a pirate hat and bandana for some reason.

But that still makes more sense than a sperm cell dressing up like a pirate. I mean, how do you even find a pirate hat that small?

And what's the point? Is the ovum going to look at all the sperm cells coming her way and say, "Most of these guys are lame. But that guy in the pirate hat? He's a keeper!" No, of course not. Because ova don't have eyes.

The problem, of course, is the name. What's wrong with Ghost Pirates, you ask? Why, you ask, given the obvious history of ghosts and pirates in the Savannah area,

Let me stop you right there.

It turns out Savannah doesn't actually have an association with pirates. The timing is wrong: the Golden Age of Piracy ended in the 1720s because by then all the pirates in the area had been captured, and Savannah didn't exist until the 1730s. There's a local legend that says Blackbeard was hiding out in the area that would become Savannah before he blockaded Charleston in 1718, but no one knows if that's true because, you know, he was hiding. There's no evidence to support the claim. As for ghosts, yeah, there are ghost stories in Savannah, so what? There are ghost stories everywhere. People think it has to be this incredibly haunted place because it's old, but I know of buildings built in my lifetime which are supposedly haunted. I know of towns less than half Savannah's age that have ghost tours. Basically, saying a city has ghost stories attached to it is like saying a city has streets: it's hardly a distinguishing feature.

But that said — and honestly, the main reason I included that paragraph is to hopefully stave off complaints when people see I'm not giving this team the "Local" bonus in the scoring — Ghosts and Pirates make good team names even if there's nothing particularly local about them. But whoever named this team apparently felt that neither was good enough, but that it would be good enough if they only smooshed them together. Guys, it does not work like that. Try taking some names that truly aren't good enough and smoosh them together and see what you get. Blue Jacket Maple Leafs? That's just nonsensical. Charger Packers? Sounds like they're getting ready to take their electronic devices with them on a trip. Athletic Cubs? Looks like a typo for...anyway.

Also, shouldn't it be Pirate Ghosts instead? That, to me, sounds like the revenant of a buccaneer. Ghost Pirate, on the other hand, sounds like someone who is involved in the illegal reproduction and selling of ghosts. Which is interesting, in its own way, and I suppose it's intimidating if you think about it, but it's just...well, weird.

But really, I can forgive the reversal of the two words. I can even forgive the smooshing. But please get rid of the sperm cell in the logo. Please.

Final Score: 40 points.
Penalties: Compound, 13 pts; Name-Logo, 2 pts; Equip-Logo (quadruply-egregious), 25 pts.
Bonuses: None.