Binghamton Rumble Ponies

50

Six years ago, when I was writing the review for the Binghamton Mets and already knew the team was going to be rebranding the following season, I ended with the comment "Anyway, I'll be back to review the new name in three or four years." Okay, so I was off by a couple of years.

I also commented at the time that I knew the new name was going to suck even though I didn't know what it was going to be yet, because I had seen the list of options they were going to choose from, and they were all terrible. I was, of course, right. This name sucks. It wasn't the worst option on the list (the other options, for the curious, were Bullheads, Gobblers, Rocking Horses, Stud Muffins, and Timber Jockeys), but as you can see, all the options were terrible. I'm still trying to figure out what made them give "Gobblers" even the slightest consideration. Although given the others, maybe I'm overthinking it.

The Rumble Ponies name, incidentally, is a reference to Binghamton's claim to be the "Carousel Capital of the World". I've already made my feelings on "_______ Capital of the World" known, so I won't repeat it here (go read the review for los Sultanes de Monterrey if you're interested), but suffice it to say that you have to be fairly desperate for something to say about your town to dub it the Carousel Capital of the World. And it doesn't lend itself to great names for baseball teams. The Rumble Ponies are Exhibit A on that point.

When I first heard the name, I was fairly certain the team had made up the concept of a "rumble pony". I'm still not convinced they didn't. I'd never heard the term before, but I admit I'm not a connoisseur of carousels, so that doesn't really prove much. A Google search on "rumble pony" doesn't turn up much aside from articles about the team (including, I might add, more than one article that's basically asking "So what the hell is a 'rumble pony', anyway?"). There were a few references to Rumble, a character on My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. And there's apparently a coffee company called Copper Horse Coffee Roasters which has a blend called Rumble Pony. Maybe that last one is proof that the term exists independently of the team? Not so fast. The roaster is located in Ithaca NY, about an hour's drive from Binghamton, and I see no evidence that Rumble Pony Blend existed before the team name was announced in 2017 (indeed, Copper Horse Coffee Roasters isn't much older, having been founded in 2014).

Not it matters. Even if the term wasn't made up for the team (and I've decided to treat it as if it was and penalize the team accordingly), it means a horse on a carousel. How is that a good thing to name a sports team after? I suppose it does make some sense for a baseball team seeing as how baseball players, like carousel horses, are just trying to run around in a circle. But they're not exactly intimidating.

That doesn't stop the team from trying to make one look intimidating, though. First of all, they have the pole going through the pony's head broken off at both ends in an attempt to give it a Phineas Gage effect. Then they give it a flame-red mane and what looks to be an iron mask. It's a valiant effort, but one that's doomed to fail. You can't make a carousel horse look intimidating.

You can't, and they didn't.

Final Score: 50 points.
Penalties: Compound, 34 pts; Name, 10 pts; Logo, 12 pts.
Bonuses: Local, -6 pts.