Teams with asterisks are not yet posted

Aberdeen IronBirds*
Acereros del Norte
Águila de Veracruz
Aigles de Trois-Rivières
Akron RubberDucks
Albuquerque Isotopes
Algodoneros de Unión Laguna
Altoona Curve
Amarillo Sod Poodles
Arkansas Travelers
Asheville Tourists
Augusta GreenJackets
Beloit Sky Carp*
Billings Mustangs
Biloxi Shuckers
Binghamton Rumble Ponies
Birmingham Barons
Boise Hawks
Bowie Baysox
Bowling Green Hot Rods
Bradenton Marauders
Bravos de León
Brooklyn Cyclones
Buffalo Bisons
Capitales de Quebec
Carolina Mudcats
Cedar Rapids Kernels
Charleston Dirty Birds
Charleston RiverDogs
Charlotte Knights
Charros de Jalisco*
Chattanooga Lookouts
Chicago Dogs
Clearwater Threshers
Cleburne Railroaders
Columbia Fireflies
Columbus Clippers
Conspiradores de Querétaro*
Corpus Christi Hooks
Dayton Dragons
Daytona Tortugas
Delmarva Shorebirds
Diablos Rojos del México
Dorados de Chihuahua*
Down East Wood Ducks
Dunedin Blue Jays
Durham Bulls
El Paso Chihuahuas
Empire State Greys*
Erie SeaWolves
Eugene Emeralds
Evansville Otters*
Everett AquaSox
Fargo-Moorhead RedHawks
Fayetteville Woodpeckers
Florence Y'Alls
Fort Myers Mighty Mussels
Fort Wayne TinCaps
Fredericksburg Nationals
Fresno Grizzlies
Frisco RoughRiders
Gary SouthShore RailCats
Gastonia Baseball Club*
Gateway Grizzlies
Generales de Durango
Glacier Range Riders
Grand Junction Jackalopes
Great Falls Voyagers
Great Lakes Loons*
Greensboro Grasshoppers*
Greenville Drive
Guerreros de Oaxaca
Gwinnett Stripers
Hagerstown Flying Boxcars*
Harrisburg Senators
Hartford Yard Goats
Hickory Crawdads
High Point Rockers
Hillsboro Hops
Hudson Valley Renegades
Idaho Falls Chukars
Indianapolis Indians
Inland Empire 66ers of San

Iowa Cubs
Jacksonville Jumbo Shrimp
Jersey Shore BlueClaws*
Joliet Slammers
Jupiter Hammerheads
Kannapolis Cannon Ballers
Kansas City Monarchs
Lake County Captains
Lake Country DockHounds
Lake Elsinore Storm
Lake Erie Crushers
Lakeland Flying Tigers
Lancaster Stormers*
Lansing Lugnuts
Las Vegas Aviators
Lehigh Valley IronPigs
Leones de Yucatán
Lexington Legends
Lincoln Saltdogs*
Long Island Ducks
Louisville Bats
Lynchburg Hillcats
Memphis Redbirds
Midland RockHounds
Milwaukee Milkmen
Mississippi Braves
Missoula Paddleheads
Modesto Nuts
Montgomery Biscuits
Myrtle Beach Pelicans
Nashville Sounds
New England Knockouts*
New Hampshire Fisher Cats
New Jersey Jackals
New York Boulders
Norfolk Tides
Northern Colorado Owlz
Northwest Arkansas Naturals*
Oakland Ballers
Ogden Raptors
Oklahoma City Baseball Club*
Olmecas de Tabasco
Omaha Storm Chasers
Ottawa Titans
Palm Beach Cardinals
Pensacola Blue Wahoos
Peoria Chiefs
Pericos de Puebla
Piratas de Campeche
Portland Sea Dogs
Quad City River Bandits
Rancho Cucamonga Quakes
Reading Fightin Phils
Reno Aces
Richmond Flying Squirrels
Rieleros de Aguascalientes
Rochester Red Wings
Rocket City Trash Pandas
Rocky Mountain Vibes
Rome Emperors*
Round Rock Express
Sacramento River Cats
Salem Red Sox
Salt Lake Bees
San Antonio Missions
San Jose Giants
Saraperos de Saltillo
Schaumburg Boomers
Scranton/Wilkes-Barre RailRiders
Sioux City Explorers
Sioux Falls Canaries
Somerset Patriots
South Bend Cubs
Southern Maryland Blue Crabs
Spokane Indians
Springfield Cardinals
St. Lucie Mets
St. Paul Saints
Staten Island FerryHawks
Stockton Ports
Sugar Land Skeeters
Sultanes de Monterrey
Sussex County Miners*
Syracuse Mets
Tacoma Rainiers
Tampa Tarpons
Tecolotes de los Dos Laredos
Tennessee Smokies
Tigres de Quintana Roo
Toledo Mud Hens
Toros de Tijuana
Tri-City Dust Devils
Tri-City ValleyCats
Vancouver Canadians
Visalia Rawhide
Washington Wild Things
West Michigan Whitecaps
Wichita Wind Surge
Wilmington Blue Rocks
Windy City Thunderbolts
Winnipeg Goldeyes
Winston-Salem Dash
Wisconsin Timber Rattlers
Worcester Red Sox*
Yolo High Wheelers
York Revolution
Hillsboro Hops 133

Notice: All logos on this page are included within the parameters of 17 U.S.C. § 107, which states that the reproduction of a copyrighted work for purposes of criticism and/or comment is not an infringement of copyright. No challenge to the copyrights of these logos is intended by their inclusion here.
Posted 2015 April 19

I don't particularly care to make jokes about hipsters. There are two reasons for this. One is that it's seriously low-hanging fruit. I know this because one night (when, I hasten to add, I was at the gym on a crowded night and had no control over what channel the TV in front of me was on), I saw part of an episode of Two Broke Girls where they were making fun of hipsters. I'm fairly certain that show has never made a joke that wasn't low-hanging fruit; that show made a joke about hipsters; QED.

The other reason is that I'm not entirely sure how much right I have to be making fun of hipsters. My music collection has its share of indie bands, and an even larger share of prog, which is the "bands you've never heard of" from 40 years ago. (Sure, you've heard of Yes and Pink Floyd, but I've got albums by bands like Banco del Mutuo Soccorso and Camel, for crying out loud.) When I was in college, I had a fedora and wore it often. (Even worse, this was before fedoras were cool.) I can be pretentious as fuck when the mood strikes (See "I've got albums by bands like Banco del Mutuo Soccorso and Camel", above). And I love me some craft beer.

But honestly, how do I review this team without saying something about hipsters? They play in a suburb of Portland, Oregon. And one of the meanings of the team's name* is the plant used to make beer. That gives us both some ironic cred (you named your team after a freaking plant? WHO DOES THAT?) and the craft beer reference. This team is practically begging me to make hipster jokes about it.

Except that I don't really have to. Below I'm going to list the titles of several articles used as sources for the Wikipedia page on hipsters (of course there's a Wikipedia page on hipsters; did you really think there wouldn't be?). The titles may not give you any insight into hipster subculture, but it's an interesting look at what other people think of hipster subculture:

  • Kill the hipster: Why the hipster must die: A modest proposal to save New York cool.
  • Hipster: The Dead End of Western Civilization
  • Poll: Many Americans dislike hipsters, are open to hipster annoyance levy
  • What do hipsters and pornography have in common?
  • Why Does Everyone Hate Hipster Assholes?
  • Sen Orrin Hatch on Keystone Pipeline: Obama traded in "Hard Hat" for "Hipster Fedora"
I have no idea what that last one even means, but I think the others make the point.

So enough about the name. Let's turn our attention to the logo and— ah, jeeze. They anthropomorphized the plant, gave it a baseball cap, and stuck it next to the name of the team written in baseball script. Again, any joke I could make would be low-hanging fruit.

Screw it. I'm going to go have a drink and be done with it. And the drink I'm going to have it probably going to be wine, because this logo is ruining any appetite I might have had for beer.

* The other meaning is the various hops a ball can take during play.

Final Score: 133 points.
Penalties: Reference, 10 pts; Alliteration, 5 pts; Script, 7 pts; Scenery, 11 pts; Equipment, 13 pts; Humanoid, 30 pts; Cartoon, 47 pts; Name, 10 pts.
Bonuses: None.

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