Teams with asterisks are not yet posted

Aberdeen IronBirds
Acereros del Norte
Águila de Veracruz*
Aigles de Trois-Rivières
Akron RubberDucks
Albuquerque Isotopes
Algodoneros de Unión Laguna
Altoona Curve
Amarillo Sod Poodles
Arkansas Travelers
Asheville Tourists
Augusta GreenJackets
Beloit Snappers
Billings Mustangs
Biloxi Shuckers
Binghamton Rumble Ponies
Birmingham Barons
Boise Hawks
Bowie Baysox
Bowling Green Hot Rods
Bradenton Marauders
Bravos de León
Brooklyn Cyclones
Buffalo Bisons
Capitales de Quebec
Carolina Mudcats
Cedar Rapids Kernels
Charleston Dirty Birds*
Charleston RiverDogs
Charlotte Knights
Chattanooga Lookouts
Chicago Dogs
Clearwater Threshers
Cleburne Railroaders
Columbia Fireflies*
Columbus Clippers
Corpus Christi Hooks
Dayton Dragons
Daytona Tortugas
Delmarva Shorebirds
Diablos Rojos del México
Down East Wood Ducks*
Dunedin Blue Jays
Durham Bulls
El Paso Chihuahuas
Erie SeaWolves
Eugene Emeralds
Evansville Otters*
Everett AquaSox
Fargo-Moorhead RedHawks
Fayetteville Woodpeckers*
Florence Y'Alls
Fort Myers Mighty Mussels
Fort Wayne TinCaps
Fredericksburg Nationals*
Fresno Grizzlies
Frisco RoughRiders
Frontier Greys*
Gary SouthShore RailCats
Gastonia Honey Hunters
Gateway Grizzlies
Generales de Durango
Glacier Range Riders*
Grand Junction Rockies
Great Falls Voyagers
Great Lakes Loons
Greensboro Grasshoppers
Greenville Drive
Guerreros de Oaxaca
Gwinnett Stripers
Harrisburg Senators
Hartford Yard Goats*
Hickory Crawdads
High Point Rockers
Hillsboro Hops
Hudson Valley Renegades
Idaho Falls Chukars
Indianapolis Indians
Inland Empire 66ers of San

Iowa Cubs
Jacksonville Jumbo Shrimp
Jersey Shore BlueClaws*
Joliet Slammers
Jupiter Hammerheads
Kane County Cougars*
Kannapolis Cannon Ballers*
Kansas City Monarchs
Lake County Captains
Lake Country Dockhounds*
Lake Elsinore Storm
Lake Erie Crushers
Lakeland Flying Tigers
Lancaster Barnstormers
Lansing Lugnuts
Las Vegas Aviators
Lehigh Valley IronPigs
Leones de Yucatán
Lexington Legends
Lincoln Saltdogs
Long Island Ducks
Louisville Bats
Lynchburg Hillcats
Mariachis de Guadalajara*
Memphis Redbirds
Midland RockHounds*
Milwaukee Milkmen
Mississippi Braves
Missoula Paddleheads*
Modesto Nuts
Montgomery Biscuits
Myrtle Beach Pelicans
Nashville Sounds*
New Hampshire Fisher Cats
New Jersey Jackals*
New York Boulders
Norfolk Tides
Northern Colorado Owlz
Northwest Arkansas Naturals
Ogden Raptors*
Oklahoma City Dodgers
Olmecas de Tabasco
Omaha Storm Chasers
Ottawa Titans*
Palm Beach Cardinals
Pensacola Blue Wahoos
Peoria Chiefs
Pericos de Puebla
Piratas de Campeche
Portland Sea Dogs
Quad City River Bandits
Rancho Cucamonga Quakes
Reading Fightin Phils
Reno Aces
Richmond Flying Squirrels
Rieleros de Aguascalientes
Rochester Red Wings
Rocket City Trash Pandas*
Rocky Mountain Vibes
Rome Braves
Round Rock Express*
Sacramento River Cats
Salem Red Sox
Salt Lake Bees
San Antonio Missions
San Jose Giants
Saraperos de Saltillo
Schaumburg Boomers
Scranton/Wilkes-Barre RailRiders
Sioux City Explorers
Sioux Falls Canaries
Somerset Patriots
South Bend Cubs
Southern Maryland Blue Crabs
Spokane Indians
Springfield Cardinals
St. Lucie Mets
St. Paul Saints
Staten Island Ferry Hawks*
Stockton Ports
Sugar Land Skeeters
Sultanes de Monterrey
Sussex County Miners
Syracuse Mets*
Tacoma Rainiers
Tampa Tarpons*
Tecolotes de los Dos Laredos*
Tennessee Smokies*
Tigres de Quintana Roo
Toledo Mud Hens
Toros de Tijuana*
Trenton Thunder
Tri-City Dust Devils
Tri-City ValleyCats
Vancouver Canadians
Visalia Rawhide
Washington Wild Things
West Michigan Whitecaps
Wichita Wind Surge
Wild Health Genomes*
Wilmington Blue Rocks
Windy City Thunderbolts
Winnipeg Goldeyes*
Winston-Salem Dash*
Wisconsin Timber Rattlers
Worcester Red Sox*
York Revolution
Colorado Springs Sky Sox 196

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Posted 2018 June 9

I freely admit that making jokes about Colorado and being high is low-hanging fruit. But this team makes it kind of hard to not make that sort of joke. First, there's the literal high in that Colorado Springs' Security Service Field is the highest-altitude baseball stadium in North America at 6,531 feet (1,991 m). But you know that literal height isn't what I'm talking about.

What I'm talking about is the name. Sky Sox? What the hell is a sky sock? I suppose "sky" in this context could mean "sky blue", which would fit in with names like White Sox, Red Sox, Aqua Sox, Fuchsia Sox, Baby Vomit Yellow Sox, and so forth. But no. From what I could find, sky blue has never been part of the Sky Sox' team colors. (They've generally used red, white, and navy blue, although for a while they used green and white.) It's just a random word stuck in front of "Sox" for no apparent reason. It's the sort of name which I can't imagine anyone even coming up with, much less thinking was a good name, without a little bit of, shall we say, cannaboid assistance. And yes, I know the name dates back to the 1950s. Just because marijuana was only recently legalized in Colorado doesn't mean no one used it until recently.

What I'm also talking about is the logo. Dear god, that logo! Sure, anthropomorphized objects in sports team logos are nothing new. But a mountain with eyes? And clouds for eyebrows? At least I can tell the eyebrows are made out of clouds. I have no freaking clue what the eyes are supposed to be made of. Nor can I find any explanation of what they're supposed to be. But really, just the cloud eyebrows are pretty out there in a what-were-you-smoking-oh-never-mind-this-is-Colorado-we're-talking-about sort of way.

And while we're at it, what I'm also also talking about is the fact that as I write this their website has a logo talking about "Cheers to 45 more years". Why are they saying that? Because this is the team's last season in town. Well, sort of. The AAA franchise is headed for San Antonio, and the Rookie-league Helena Brewers will be moving into town next season to be the next Sky Sox. So apparently the idea is to reassure fans that the team will be around for as long as they've been in town.

The AAA team is only 30 years old. And before the AAA team came to town, Colorado Springs had been without baseball for decades.

They're getting to 45 by counting not only a previous incarnation of the Sky Sox that played for eight years in the 1950s, but also the Colorado Springs Millionaires, who played in the Western League in the first decade of the 20th Century, and another Colorado Springs team that played in the Colorado State League in the 1890s (I couldn't find what this team's name was, and while I can't be certain it may be that that team didn't have a name). So if you stop to think about it, this is actually a terrible way to reassure fans. Sure, there have been a total of 45 years of baseball in Colorado Springs, but it took roughly 130 years to get to 45. That's barely one year in three. The team is saying "Don't worry, fans! You'll have another 45 years of baseball between now and 2150." Gee, great. But they think this will work. Again, What are you smoking oh never mind this is Colorado we're talking about.

See what I mean? It's impossible to not make this joke. So I'll go with the low-hanging fruit because it's impossible not to. Besides, I'm allowed to go for low-hanging fruit, because I have something in common with low-hanging fruit. Something that separates me and low-hanging fruit from whoever came up with this team's name, this team's logo, and this team's current slogan: Like low-hanging fruit, I'm not high.

Final Score: 196 points.
Penalties: Sox (egregious), 41 pts; Alliteration, 5 pts; Scenery, 11 pts; Obvious, 17 pts; Humanoid (egregious), 61 pts; Irrelevance, 39 pts; Name, 10 pts; Logo, 12 pts.
Bonuses: None.

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