Teams with asterisks are not yet posted

Aberdeen IronBirds
Acereros del Norte*
Aigles de Trois-Rivieres*
Akron RubberDucks
Albuquerque Isotopes
Alexandria Aces*
Algodoneros de Unión Laguna*
Altoona Curve
Amarillo Sod Poodles
Arkansas Travelers
Asheville Tourists
Auburn Doubledays*
Augusta GreenJackets*
Batavia Muckdogs
Bay Area Toros*
Beloit Snappers
Billings Mustangs
Biloxi Shuckers
Binghamton Rumble Ponies*
Birmingham Barons
Bluefield Blue Jays
Boise Hawks
Bowie Baysox
Bowling Green Hot Rods
Bradenton Marauders
Bravos de León
Bristol Pirates
Brooklyn Cyclones
Buffalo Bisons
Burlington Bees
Burlington Royals
Calgary Vipers*
Capitales de Quebec
Carolina Mudcats
Cedar Rapids Kernels
Charleston RiverDogs
Charlotte Knights*
Charlotte Stone Crabs
Chattanooga Lookouts
Clearwater Threshers
Cleburne Railroaders*
Clinton LumberKings
Columbia Fireflies*
Columbus Clippers
Connecticut Tigers
Corpus Christi Hooks
Danville Braves
Dayton Dragons
Daytona Tortugas
Delmarva Shorebirds
Diablos Rojos del México
Down East Wood Ducks*
Dunedin Blue Jays
Durham Bulls
Elizabethton Twins
Erie SeaWolves
Eugene Emeralds*
Evansville Otters
Everett AquaSox
Fayetteville Woodpeckers*
Fargo-Moorhead RedHawks
Fayetteville Astros*
Florence Freedom
Florida Fire Frogs*
Fort Myers Miracle
Fort Wayne TinCaps
Frederick Keys
Fresno Grizzlies*
Frisco RoughRiders
Gary SouthShore RailCats
Gateway Grizzlies
Generales de Durango*
Grand Junction Rockies*
Great Falls Voyagers
Great Lakes Loons
Greeneville Reds*
Greensboro Grasshoppers
Greenville Drive
Guerreros de Oaxaca
Gwinnett Stripers*
Hagerstown Suns
Harrisburg Senators
Hartford Yard Goats*
Hickory Crawdads
High Point Rockers*
Hillsboro Hops
Hudson Valley Renegades*
Idaho Falls Chukars
Indianapolis Indians
Inland Empire 66ers*
Iowa Cubs
Jackson Generals
Jacksonville Jumbo Shrimp*
Johnson City Cardinals
Joliet Slammers
Jupiter Hammerheads
Kane County Cougars
Kannapolis Intimidators
Kansas City T-Bones
Kingsport Mets
Lake County Captains
Lake Elsinore Storm
Lake Erie Crushers
Lakeland Flying Tigers
Lakewood BlueClaws
Lancaster Barnstormers
Lancaster JetHawks
Lansing Lugnuts
Laredo Lemurs
Las Vegas 51s
Lehigh Valley IronPigs
Leones de Yucatán
Lexington Legends*
Lincoln Saltdogs
Long Beach Armada*
Long Island Ducks
Louisville Bats
Lowell Spinners*
Lynchburg Hillcats*
Mahoning Valley Scrappers
Memphis Redbirds
Midland RockHounds
Milwaukee Milkmen*
Mississippi Braves
Missoula Osprey
Mobile BayBears
Modesto Nuts
Montgomery Biscuits
Myrtle Beach Pelicans
Nashville Sounds*
New Britain Bees*
New Hampshire Fisher Cats
New Jersey Jackals
New Orleans Zephyrs
Norfolk Tides*
Normal CornBelters
Northwest Arkansas Naturals
Ogden Raptors*
Oklahoma City Dodgers*
Olmecas de Tabasco
Omaha Storm Chasers
Orem Owlz
Ottawa Champions
Palm Beach Cardinals
Pawtucket Red Sox*
Pensacola Blue Wahoos
Peoria Chiefs
Pericos de Puebla
Piratas de Campeche
Pittsburg Diamonds
Portland Sea Dogs
Potomac Nationals
Potros de Tijuana*
Princeton Rays
Pulaski Mariners*
Quad City River Bandits
Rancho Cucamonga Quakes
Reading Fightin Phils
Reno Aces
Richmond Flying Squirrels
River City Rascals
Rochester Red Wings
Rockland Boulders
Rocky Mountain Vibes
Rome Braves
Round Rock Express
Sacramento River Cats
Salem Red Sox
Salem-Keizer Volcanoes
Salt Lake Bees
San Antonio Missions
San Jose Giants
San Rafael Pacifics*
Saraperos de Saltillo
Sarasota Reds*
Schaumburg Boomers
Scranton/Wilkes-Barre RailRiders*
Sioux City Explorers
Sioux Falls Canaries
Somerset Patriots
Sonoma Stompers
South Bend Cubs
Southern Illinois Miners
Southern Maryland Blue Crabs
Spokane Indians
Springfield Cardinals
St. Lucie Mets
St. Paul Saints
State College Spikes
Staten Island Yankees
Stockton Ports
Sultanes de Monterrey
Sussex County Miners*
Syracuse Chiefs
Tacoma Rainiers*
Tampa Tarpons*
Tecolotes de los Dos Laredos*
Tennessee Smokies*
Texarkana Gunslingers*
Texas AirHogs
Tigres de Quintana Roo
Toledo Mud Hens
Toros de Tijuana*
Traverse City Beach Bums
Trenton Thunder
Tri-City Dust Devils
Tri-City ValleyCats
Tucson Padres
Tulsa Drillers
Vallejo Admirals*
Vancouver Canadians
Vermont Lake Monsters*
Visalia Rawhide
Washington Wild Things
West Michigan Whitecaps
West Virginia Black Bears
West Virginia Power
Williamsport Crosscutters
Wilmington Blue Rocks
Windy City Thunderbolts
Winnipeg Goldeyes
Winston-Salem Dash
Wisconsin Timber Rattlers
York Revolution
Colorado Springs Sky Sox 196

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Posted 2018 June 9

I freely admit that making jokes about Colorado and being high is low-hanging fruit. But this team makes it kind of hard to not make that sort of joke. First, there's the literal high in that Colorado Springs' Security Service Field is the highest-altitude baseball stadium in North America at 6,531 feet (1,991 m). But you know that literal height isn't what I'm talking about.

What I'm talking about is the name. Sky Sox? What the hell is a sky sock? I suppose "sky" in this context could mean "sky blue", which would fit in with names like White Sox, Red Sox, Aqua Sox, Fuchsia Sox, Baby Vomit Yellow Sox, and so forth. But no. From what I could find, sky blue has never been part of the Sky Sox' team colors. (They've generally used red, white, and navy blue, although for a while they used green and white.) It's just a random word stuck in front of "Sox" for no apparent reason. It's the sort of name which I can't imagine anyone even coming up with, much less thinking was a good name, without a little bit of, shall we say, cannaboid assistance. And yes, I know the name dates back to the 1950s. Just because marijuana was only recently legalized in Colorado doesn't mean no one used it until recently.

What I'm also talking about is the logo. Dear god, that logo! Sure, anthropomorphized objects in sports team logos are nothing new. But a mountain with eyes? And clouds for eyebrows? At least I can tell the eyebrows are made out of clouds. I have no freaking clue what the eyes are supposed to be made of. Nor can I find any explanation of what they're supposed to be. But really, just the cloud eyebrows are pretty out there in a what-were-you-smoking-oh-never-mind-this-is-Colorado-we're-talking-about sort of way.

And while we're at it, what I'm also also talking about is the fact that as I write this their website has a logo talking about "Cheers to 45 more years". Why are they saying that? Because this is the team's last season in town. Well, sort of. The AAA franchise is headed for San Antonio, and the Rookie-league Helena Brewers will be moving into town next season to be the next Sky Sox. So apparently the idea is to reassure fans that the team will be around for as long as they've been in town.

The AAA team is only 30 years old. And before the AAA team came to town, Colorado Springs had been without baseball for decades.

They're getting to 45 by counting not only a previous incarnation of the Sky Sox that played for eight years in the 1950s, but also the Colorado Springs Millionaires, who played in the Western League in the first decade of the 20th Century, and another Colorado Springs team that played in the Colorado State League in the 1890s (I couldn't find what this team's name was, and while I can't be certain it may be that that team didn't have a name). So if you stop to think about it, this is actually a terrible way to reassure fans. Sure, there have been a total of 45 years of baseball in Colorado Springs, but it took roughly 130 years to get to 45. That's barely one year in three. The team is saying "Don't worry, fans! You'll have another 45 years of baseball between now and 2150." Gee, great. But they think this will work. Again, What are you smoking oh never mind this is Colorado we're talking about.

See what I mean? It's impossible to not make this joke. So I'll go with the low-hanging fruit because it's impossible not to. Besides, I'm allowed to go for low-hanging fruit, because I have something in common with low-hanging fruit. Something that separates me and low-hanging fruit from whoever came up with this team's name, this team's logo, and this team's current slogan: Like low-hanging fruit, I'm not high.

Final Score: 196 points.
Penalties: Sox (egregious), 41 pts; Alliteration, 5 pts; Scenery, 11 pts; Obvious, 17 pts; Humanoid (egregious), 61 pts; Irrelevance, 39 pts; Name, 10 pts; Logo, 12 pts.
Bonuses: None.

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