Colorado Springs Sky Sox

196

I freely admit that making jokes about Colorado and being high is low-hanging fruit. But this team makes it kind of hard to not make that sort of joke. First, there's the literal high in that Colorado Springs' Security Service Field is the highest-altitude baseball stadium in North America at 6,531 feet (1,991 m). But you know that literal height isn't what I'm talking about.

What I'm talking about is the name. Sky Sox? What the hell is a sky sock? I suppose "sky" in this context could mean "sky blue", which would fit in with names like White Sox, Red Sox, Aqua Sox, Fuchsia Sox, Baby Vomit Yellow Sox, and so forth. But no. From what I could find, sky blue has never been part of the Sky Sox' team colors. (They've generally used red, white, and navy blue, although for a while they used green and white.) It's just a random word stuck in front of "Sox" for no apparent reason. It's the sort of name which I can't imagine anyone even coming up with, much less thinking was a good name, without a little bit of, shall we say, cannaboid assistance. And yes, I know the name dates back to the 1950s. Just because marijuana was only recently legalized in Colorado doesn't mean no one used it until recently.

What I'm also talking about is the logo. Dear god, that logo! Sure, anthropomorphized objects in sports team logos are nothing new. But a mountain with eyes? And clouds for eyebrows? At least I can tell the eyebrows are made out of clouds. I have no freaking clue what the eyes are supposed to be made of. Nor can I find any explanation of what they're supposed to be. But really, just the cloud eyebrows are pretty out there in a what-were-you-smoking-oh-never-mind-this-is-Colorado-we're-talking-about sort of way.

And while we're at it, what I'm also also talking about is the fact that as I write this their website has a logo talking about "Cheers to 45 more years". Why are they saying that? Because this is the team's last season in town. Well, sort of. The AAA franchise is headed for San Antonio, and the Rookie-league Helena Brewers will be moving into town next season to be the next Sky Sox. So apparently the idea is to reassure fans that the team will be around for as long as they've been in town.

The AAA team is only 30 years old. And before the AAA team came to town, Colorado Springs had been without baseball for decades.

They're getting to 45 by counting not only a previous incarnation of the Sky Sox that played for eight years in the 1950s, but also the Colorado Springs Millionaires, who played in the Western League in the first decade of the 20th Century, and another Colorado Springs team that played in the Colorado State League in the 1890s (I couldn't find what this team's name was, and while I can't be certain it may be that that team didn't have a name). So if you stop to think about it, this is actually a terrible way to reassure fans. Sure, there have been a total of 45 years of baseball in Colorado Springs, but it took roughly 130 years to get to 45. That's barely one year in three. The team is saying "Don't worry, fans! You'll have another 45 years of baseball between now and 2150." Gee, great. But they think this will work. Again, What are you smoking oh never mind this is Colorado we're talking about.

See what I mean? It's impossible to not make this joke. So I'll go with the low-hanging fruit because it's impossible not to. Besides, I'm allowed to go for low-hanging fruit, because I have something in common with low-hanging fruit. Something that separates me and low-hanging fruit from whoever came up with this team's name, this team's logo, and this team's current slogan: Like low-hanging fruit, I'm not high.

Final Score: 196 points.
Penalties: Sox (egregious), 41 pts; Alliteration, 5 pts; Scenery, 11 pts; Obvious, 17 pts; Humanoid (egregious), 61 pts; Irrelevance, 39 pts; Name, 10 pts; Logo, 12 pts.
Bonuses: None.