Grand Prairie Air Hogs

51

When the Grand Prairie AirHogs first formed, they explained to the local newspaper that the term "air hog" comes from Air Force slang. No further explanation was given, which leads me to suspect it's something extremely rude, or at least something funny. So of course I set off to find out what it means. And here, dear reader, is where the internet failed me.

It's easy to look up just about anything on the internet, right? I mean, all you have to do is google it. At least, that's the theory. In practice it doesn't always work out. For example, if you google "air hog", all you get is a bunch of pages on the Air Hog brand of remote control planes/helicopters/otherflyingthings. Okay, sure, that's no problem. Even a google fu yellow belt knows to use the minus sign: "air hog -toy" And it brought up...a bunch of pages on the Air Hog brand of remote control planes/helicopters/otherflyingthings.

Okay, fine: "air hog -toy -remote -RC" — And now we get...damn it. Seriously? No, it's not just a bunch of pages on the Air Hog brand of remote control planes/helicopters/otherflyingthings. There's still a bunch of those, mind you, but there's other stuff, too. Surely those other pages will help, right? No. The other pages are either for Air Hogs SCUBA or Airhog pneumatics, or for the Grand Pairie Air Hogs. None of them explain exactly what the term means (nor, for the record, does the website for the Air Hog brand of remote control planes/helicopters/otherflyingthings).

"air hog -toy -remote -rc -scuba -pneumatic" — Oh, for fuck's sake. Mostly stuff about the baseball team, plus Air Hog Panel Filters. Oh, and the Air Hog brand of remote control planes/helicopters/otherflyingthings. I can't get rid of those bastards.

"air hog -toy -remote -rc -scuba -pneumatic -baseball -filter" — Aaaagh! Jump Cues! Utility Blowers! Paraglider Pilots! And, of coure, the Air Hog brand of remote control planes/helicopters/otherflyingthings. That goes without saying it by now, but I'm going to say it anyway.

"air hog -toy -remote -rc -scuba -pneumatic -baseball -filter -cue -blower -screwyougooglejusttellmewhatthedamnwordmeansalready" — Oh, just shoot me now. Most of the links are about the Air Hog brand of remote control planes/helicopters/otherflyingthings.

Fine. I'm barking up the wrong tree with this approach. Let's just google "military slang" and see what comes up.

There are, needless to say, a gazillion web pages with military slang, or even Air Force slang. And you could spend days reading the various terms on these, but when you were done you still wouldn't know because none of them included that term.

By this point I'm convinced that it's actually something mundane, because that would be the best explanation of why nobody explains it. It's probably just a term for a particular plane (although even the lists of plane nicknames doesn't include it), or it just means a pilot. And I should let it go at that. I really should. But no. I've gone this far, I may as well try the site of last resort. I look up "air hog" on urbandictionary.com.

And that, dear reader, is the precise moment the internet failed me. Because there is a definition for "airhog" at urbandictionary.com. No, don't go look it up. Just rest assured that it's there, and it's probably not the definition the Air For— no! Trust me on this! Don't look it up! It's not worth—

You looked it up, didn't you?

Well, now the internet has failed you, too.

Final Score: 51 points.
Penalties: Software, 27 pts; Humanoid (for the goggles), 30 pts.
Bonuses: Local, -6 pts.