Teams with asterisks are not yet posted

Aberdeen IronBirds*
Acereros del Norte
Águila de Veracruz
Aigles de Trois-Rivières
Akron RubberDucks
Albuquerque Isotopes
Algodoneros de Unión Laguna
Altoona Curve
Amarillo Sod Poodles
Arkansas Travelers
Asheville Tourists
Augusta GreenJackets
Beloit Sky Carp*
Billings Mustangs
Biloxi Shuckers
Binghamton Rumble Ponies
Birmingham Barons
Boise Hawks
Bowie Baysox
Bowling Green Hot Rods
Bradenton Marauders
Bravos de León
Brooklyn Cyclones
Buffalo Bisons
Capitales de Quebec
Carolina Mudcats
Cedar Rapids Kernels
Charleston Dirty Birds
Charleston RiverDogs
Charlotte Knights
Charros de Jalisco*
Chattanooga Lookouts
Chicago Dogs
Clearwater Threshers
Cleburne Railroaders
Columbia Fireflies
Columbus Clippers
Conspiradores de Querétaro*
Corpus Christi Hooks
Dayton Dragons
Daytona Tortugas
Delmarva Shorebirds
Diablos Rojos del México
Dorados de Chihuahua*
Down East Wood Ducks
Dunedin Blue Jays
Durham Bulls
El Paso Chihuahuas
Empire State Greys*
Erie SeaWolves
Eugene Emeralds
Evansville Otters*
Everett AquaSox
Fargo-Moorhead RedHawks
Fayetteville Woodpeckers
Florence Y'Alls
Fort Myers Mighty Mussels
Fort Wayne TinCaps
Fredericksburg Nationals
Fresno Grizzlies
Frisco RoughRiders
Gary SouthShore RailCats
Gastonia Baseball Club*
Gateway Grizzlies
Generales de Durango
Glacier Range Riders
Grand Junction Jackalopes
Great Falls Voyagers
Great Lakes Loons*
Greensboro Grasshoppers*
Greenville Drive
Guerreros de Oaxaca
Gwinnett Stripers
Hagerstown Flying Boxcars*
Harrisburg Senators
Hartford Yard Goats
Hickory Crawdads
High Point Rockers
Hillsboro Hops
Hudson Valley Renegades
Idaho Falls Chukars
Indianapolis Indians
Inland Empire 66ers of San

Iowa Cubs
Jacksonville Jumbo Shrimp
Jersey Shore BlueClaws*
Joliet Slammers
Jupiter Hammerheads
Kannapolis Cannon Ballers
Kansas City Monarchs
Lake County Captains
Lake Country DockHounds
Lake Elsinore Storm
Lake Erie Crushers
Lakeland Flying Tigers
Lancaster Stormers*
Lansing Lugnuts
Las Vegas Aviators
Lehigh Valley IronPigs
Leones de Yucatán
Lexington Legends
Lincoln Saltdogs*
Long Island Ducks
Louisville Bats
Lynchburg Hillcats
Memphis Redbirds
Midland RockHounds
Milwaukee Milkmen
Mississippi Braves
Missoula Paddleheads
Modesto Nuts
Montgomery Biscuits
Myrtle Beach Pelicans
Nashville Sounds
New England Knockouts*
New Hampshire Fisher Cats
New Jersey Jackals
New York Boulders
Norfolk Tides
Northern Colorado Owlz
Northwest Arkansas Naturals*
Oakland Ballers
Ogden Raptors
Oklahoma City Baseball Club*
Olmecas de Tabasco
Omaha Storm Chasers
Ottawa Titans
Palm Beach Cardinals
Pensacola Blue Wahoos
Peoria Chiefs
Pericos de Puebla
Piratas de Campeche
Portland Sea Dogs
Quad City River Bandits
Rancho Cucamonga Quakes
Reading Fightin Phils
Reno Aces
Richmond Flying Squirrels
Rieleros de Aguascalientes
Rochester Red Wings
Rocket City Trash Pandas
Rocky Mountain Vibes
Rome Emperors*
Round Rock Express
Sacramento River Cats
Salem Red Sox
Salt Lake Bees
San Antonio Missions
San Jose Giants
Saraperos de Saltillo
Schaumburg Boomers
Scranton/Wilkes-Barre RailRiders
Sioux City Explorers
Sioux Falls Canaries
Somerset Patriots
South Bend Cubs
Southern Maryland Blue Crabs
Spokane Indians
Springfield Cardinals
St. Lucie Mets
St. Paul Saints
Staten Island FerryHawks
Stockton Ports
Sugar Land Skeeters
Sultanes de Monterrey
Sussex County Miners*
Syracuse Mets
Tacoma Rainiers
Tampa Tarpons
Tecolotes de los Dos Laredos
Tennessee Smokies
Tigres de Quintana Roo
Toledo Mud Hens
Toros de Tijuana
Tri-City Dust Devils
Tri-City ValleyCats
Vancouver Canadians
Visalia Rawhide
Washington Wild Things
West Michigan Whitecaps
Wichita Wind Surge
Wilmington Blue Rocks
Windy City Thunderbolts
Winnipeg Goldeyes
Winston-Salem Dash
Wisconsin Timber Rattlers
Worcester Red Sox*
Yolo High Wheelers
York Revolution
Gary SouthShore RailCats 290

Notice: All logos on this page are included within the parameters of 17 U.S.C. § 107, which states that the reproduction of a copyrighted work for purposes of criticism and/or comment is not an infringement of copyright. No challenge to the copyrights of these logos is intended by their inclusion here.
Posted 2012 May 6
Score corrected 2017 Jul 29

I was originally going to write a little bit about the town of Gary before discussing the name and logo, but frankly it's too depressing. About the only positive thing that I can find to say about Gary is that it's doing better than Detroit. Since my aim here is to be funny and not melancholy, I'm going to leave it at that. But if you do feel like being in a melancholy mood, feel free to go read the Wikipedia page on Gary. If that's not depressing enough, read it again while listening to "Did She Jump or Was She Pushed" by Richard and Linda Thompson. If that isn't depressing enough for you, then I'm afraid I can't help you, but you almost certainly do need help.

Fortunately, there's no dearth of stuff to talk about with the name and logo.

Let's start with the name, and we'll take it word by word. "Gary" is hard to argue with; it's where the team plays. Then you get "SouthShore". There are two problems with this. The first is that the team has already told us they're in Gary, so I don't know why they need to add "SouthShore". The second problem is that I'm not sure that Gary really is on the south shore. But I always get confused by this. If you're on the East Coast, then to go from land to water you move east. But then there's the Western Shore of Maryland, where you also move east to go from land to water. But then you've got the Eastern Shore of Maryland, which is everything east of the Chesapeake Bay, which means that you can go east or west to move from land to sea. Same for the Eastern Shore of Virginia, except you can also go south. And even, in some parts, north. What I'm saying, I guess, is that I really have no idea. You should savor this moment, dear reader: I freely admit I am clueless. This doesn't happen often. The admitting part, I mean.

In any case, the name "South Shore" apparently doesn't come from the shore anyway. It comes from a commuter train that runs through Gary. That line (called the "South Shore Line"), which goes through the South Shore area of Chicago (to get from land to water in the South Shore area, you go east. The more I think about all this the less sense it makes). Apparently when you're sitting at the stadium in Gary, you can see the tracks for the South Shore line from your seat. Presumably, you will occasionally get to watch a train headed for Chicago. You will almost certainly think wistfully to yourself, "I should get on that train and get out of Gary," because like I said, the only positive thing Gary has going for it is that it isn't Detroit.

The last word in the name is, of course, "RailCats". Again, we have a reference to the South Shore Line. Look, it's one thing when I decide to harp on how shitty things in Gary are. I'm just a smartass from the East Coast who's never even been to Gary. It's quite another when a team located in Gary decides to harp on it. And that's what this name does. It says that even the people who own this team think the most noteworthy thing about Gary is the train to take you to Chicago. The name seems specially designed to say, "You could be leaving this shithole if you wanted." It stops just short of adding, "But if you're dumb enough to stick around, why not come watch a baseball game?" I'm amazed anyone shows up for the games. Given the crime rate in Gary, I'm amazed nobody's torched the stadium.

And speaking of violent crime, take a look at the cat in the logo. Is he, in fact, swinging a baseball bat? It doesn't really look like a baseball bat, for starters; I'm not aware of any I-shaped bats. It's also hard to tell if he's getting ready to swing it horizontally or stab it downward; it looks mostly like the latter, except then the positioning of his left hand is awkward. And then we've got to account for the baseball which looks like it shot out the back end of the whatever-it-is-the-cat-is-holding and somehow managed to change direction and move forward. I don't know what the hell that cat is holding, but it seems to be impressive technology. Part baseball bat, part sword, part I-beam, part smart missile launcher. That's pretty versatile. Does anyone in Gary make one of those things? If so, they should start marketing them better. There's got to be a market for that sort of thing, and a bigger market would mean more industry for Gary. And Gary could use some new industry almost as much as Detroit.

Final Score: 238 points.
Penalties: Region (Egregious), 17 pts; Software (egregious), 55 pts; Compound, 34 pts; Humanoid, 30 pt; Cartoon, 47 pts; Player (egregious), 103 pts; Name, 10 pts.
Bonuses: Local, -6 pts.

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