Johnson City Cardinals

105

The past three reviews have all been for a team whose name was "Pirates", a team whose name was Spanish for "Pirates", and a team whose name was a word that is synonymous with "Pirates". I must admit I'm glad to be done with them. Reviewing such similar teams over and over was getting monotonous. I'm ready to be doing something different. So what's on tap?

Oh, shit. It's the Johnson City Cardinals. And since I know that the order I go in means that teams with the same name will always be adjacent, that means the next two reviews will be the other two teams called the Cardinals.

Shoot me now.

At least Johnson City doesn't use the same logo as St. Louis, so I have something to talk about here (I have no idea what I'm going to talk about for Palm Beach or Springfield). Of course, given what this logo looks like, I have to say they'd be better off using St. Louis' logo. Here, we get a cartoony, somehow juvenile-looking bird hitting a ball that looks huge in comparison. And then there are those blue triangles to the left of the bird. I assume they're supposed to be mountains (Johnson City is in the Blue Ridge Mountains), but I think a viewer unfamiliar with Tennessee geography could be forgiven for thinking those are poorly drawn waves. In fact, the Watauga River runs through Johnson City, so that wouldn't be a completely unreasonable interpretation. I'm sure it's supposed to be mountains, though. But that does mean either that there's some really strange perspective going on in this picture or that this is one huge damn bird. Indeed, between how big the bird apparently is, how big the bird's head is in relation to its body, and how cute it is, I can't help but think of the Sta-Puff Marshmallow Man from Ghostbusters. I'm fairly certain that's not what the logo designer was aiming for on any level.

So basically I think the Johnson City Cardinals would be better off using their parent team's logo. That's odd, considering that I also think Palm Beach and Springfield would be better off switching away from their parent team's logo. I guess I'm implicitly assuming that Palm Beach and Springfield will come up with better logos, or at least equally good logos that give them their own identity. You'd think that after over two hundred reviews I'd know better than to assume such, wouldn't you? I guess I never learn.

Final Score: 105 points.
Penalties: Scenery, 12 pts; Offspring, 12 pts; Humanoid, 30 pts; Player, 51 pts.
Bonuses: None.