Lake Country DockHounds

187

To be clear, Lake Country, home of the Lake Country DockHounds of the American Association, has nothing to do with Lake County, home of the Lake County Captains of the Midwest League. The latter team plays in Eastlake, Ohio, which predictably enough is located in Lake County. The Lake Country DockHounds play in Ooconomowoc, Wisconsin, which is in an area called "Lake Country" because there's a shit-ton of lakes in the area. According to a tourism site I found there's over 250 of them, ranging in size from smaller than a football field to several miles in length. So while I find it a bit irritating that they went with "Lake Country" as opposed to "Oconowomoc", I can't say they don't come by the "Lake Country" name honestly. Besides, no one reads "Lake Country" and wonders how to pronounce it.

Oconowomoc is about half an hour west of Milwaukee, and between that and all the lakes, it probably won't surprise you to lean that it once served as a resort town for rich people from Milwaukee who wanted to get away from Milwaukee (a major landowner in the area was the Pabst family, founders of the beer company). So when the team calls itself the "DockHounds" it's not talking about industrial docks used for loading and unloading ships. It's talking about places where rich people put their little boats that they keep at their lakeside summer home. This explains the team logo, which features a dog that looks not like a longshoreman but rather like some upper middle class dad out for a day of fishing. Or should I say the dog looks like said upper middle class dad stepped into the matter transporter from The Fly with his dog and this were-dog is the result. The were-dog — apparently his name is Louie; I have no idea whether that was originally the dad's name or the dog's — is wearing a baseball jersey with the number 5 (which apparently comes from the fact that Oconowomoc has 5 O's in it, and no I'm not making that up), a fishing cap, sunglasses, and a leash. He's also holding a ball in his mouth, and I'm trying to figure out how that happened. Maybe dad threw the ball into the matter transporter before he walked into it, and the dog ran into the matter transporter to get it, and that's how this tragedy happened? The were-dog is also holding a baseball bat in his...paws? hands? arms? front legs? hell, I don't know. And the bat has his name on it, which now that I think about it means Louie was probably the dad's name because getting your name stamped on your baseball bat is just arrogant in a perfectly-believable-out-of-an-upper-middle-class-dad kind of way but getting your dog's name stamped on your baseball bat is just weird, but then this whole thing is really weird so I don't suppose I can really rule out the possibility that Louie was the dog's name before.

If you just glance at the leash you might think that there's a nametag hanging off it, but if you look closer (you'll probably need to find a bigger picture of it than I have here on this site) you'll see it's actually a fishing lure. I have no idea what it's doing there. Admittedly that's kind of par for the course by now because none of this makes any sense, but even by the standards of this logo it's pretty damn strange. Also, I'm trying to use the dock posts as a scale to figure out how big the were-dog, and because the foreshortening is weird it's hard to say for certain but I'm thinking somewhere in the vicinity of ten feet/three meters, maybe a bit taller. But that doesn't jibe with the size of the hat, the ball, or the bat.

Maybe the simplest explanation is that the proportions are off because whoever drew this had been honoring the Pabst family by having a couple of beers before drawing this.

God knows that after trying to make sense of this logo I could use a beer.

Preferably one better than Pabst.

Final Score: 187 points.
Penalties: Region, 8 pts; Software, 27 pts; Scenery, 11 pts; Equipment (triply egregious), 58 pts; Humanoid, 30 pts; Cartoon, 47 pts; Logo, 12 pts.
Bonuses: Local, -6 pts.