Teams with asterisks are not yet posted

Aberdeen IronBirds
Acereros del Norte
Águila de Veracruz*
Aigles de Trois-Rivières
Akron RubberDucks
Albuquerque Isotopes
Algodoneros de Unión Laguna
Altoona Curve
Amarillo Sod Poodles
Arkansas Travelers
Asheville Tourists
Augusta GreenJackets
Beloit Snappers
Billings Mustangs
Biloxi Shuckers
Binghamton Rumble Ponies
Birmingham Barons
Boise Hawks
Bowie Baysox
Bowling Green Hot Rods
Bradenton Marauders
Bravos de León
Brooklyn Cyclones
Buffalo Bisons
Capitales de Quebec
Carolina Mudcats
Cedar Rapids Kernels
Charleston Dirty Birds*
Charleston RiverDogs
Charlotte Knights
Chattanooga Lookouts
Chicago Dogs
Clearwater Threshers
Cleburne Railroaders
Columbia Fireflies*
Columbus Clippers
Corpus Christi Hooks
Dayton Dragons
Daytona Tortugas
Delmarva Shorebirds
Diablos Rojos del México
Down East Wood Ducks
Dunedin Blue Jays
Durham Bulls
El Paso Chihuahuas
Erie SeaWolves
Eugene Emeralds
Evansville Otters*
Everett AquaSox
Fargo-Moorhead RedHawks
Fayetteville Woodpeckers
Florence Y'Alls
Fort Myers Mighty Mussels
Fort Wayne TinCaps
Fredericksburg Nationals*
Fresno Grizzlies
Frisco RoughRiders
Frontier Greys*
Gary SouthShore RailCats
Gastonia Honey Hunters
Gateway Grizzlies
Generales de Durango
Glacier Range Riders*
Grand Junction Rockies
Great Falls Voyagers
Great Lakes Loons
Greensboro Grasshoppers
Greenville Drive
Guerreros de Oaxaca
Gwinnett Stripers
Harrisburg Senators
Hartford Yard Goats
Hickory Crawdads
High Point Rockers
Hillsboro Hops
Hudson Valley Renegades
Idaho Falls Chukars
Indianapolis Indians
Inland Empire 66ers of San

Iowa Cubs
Jacksonville Jumbo Shrimp
Jersey Shore BlueClaws*
Joliet Slammers
Jupiter Hammerheads
Kane County Cougars*
Kannapolis Cannon Ballers
Kansas City Monarchs
Lake County Captains
Lake Country Dockhounds*
Lake Elsinore Storm
Lake Erie Crushers
Lakeland Flying Tigers
Lancaster Barnstormers
Lansing Lugnuts
Las Vegas Aviators
Lehigh Valley IronPigs
Leones de Yucatán
Lexington Legends
Lincoln Saltdogs
Long Island Ducks
Louisville Bats
Lynchburg Hillcats
Mariachis de Guadalajara*
Memphis Redbirds
Midland RockHounds*
Milwaukee Milkmen
Mississippi Braves
Missoula Paddleheads*
Modesto Nuts
Montgomery Biscuits
Myrtle Beach Pelicans
Nashville Sounds*
New Hampshire Fisher Cats
New Jersey Jackals*
New York Boulders
Norfolk Tides
Northern Colorado Owlz
Northwest Arkansas Naturals
Ogden Raptors
Oklahoma City Dodgers
Olmecas de Tabasco
Omaha Storm Chasers
Ottawa Titans*
Palm Beach Cardinals
Pensacola Blue Wahoos
Peoria Chiefs
Pericos de Puebla
Piratas de Campeche
Portland Sea Dogs
Quad City River Bandits
Rancho Cucamonga Quakes
Reading Fightin Phils
Reno Aces
Richmond Flying Squirrels
Rieleros de Aguascalientes
Rochester Red Wings
Rocket City Trash Pandas*
Rocky Mountain Vibes
Rome Braves
Round Rock Express
Sacramento River Cats
Salem Red Sox
Salt Lake Bees
San Antonio Missions
San Jose Giants
Saraperos de Saltillo
Schaumburg Boomers
Scranton/Wilkes-Barre RailRiders
Sioux City Explorers
Sioux Falls Canaries
Somerset Patriots
South Bend Cubs
Southern Maryland Blue Crabs
Spokane Indians
Springfield Cardinals
St. Lucie Mets
St. Paul Saints
Staten Island Ferry Hawks*
Stockton Ports
Sugar Land Skeeters
Sultanes de Monterrey
Sussex County Miners
Syracuse Mets*
Tacoma Rainiers
Tampa Tarpons*
Tecolotes de los Dos Laredos*
Tennessee Smokies
Tigres de Quintana Roo
Toledo Mud Hens
Toros de Tijuana*
Trenton Thunder
Tri-City Dust Devils
Tri-City ValleyCats
Vancouver Canadians
Visalia Rawhide
Washington Wild Things
West Michigan Whitecaps
Wichita Wind Surge
Wild Health Genomes*
Wilmington Blue Rocks
Windy City Thunderbolts
Winnipeg Goldeyes*
Winston-Salem Dash*
Wisconsin Timber Rattlers
Worcester Red Sox*
York Revolution
Lakewood BlueClaws 189

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Posted 2017 June 25

This name seems really odd to me.

The problem is not necessarily that a team in New Jersey is named after an animal mostly associated with the Chesapeake Bay. Those associations nonwithstanding, blue crabs have a range which extends along much of the Atlantic coast of the United States, and that includes New Jersey. So a team on the coast of New Jersey being named the BlueClaws makes sense.

Note that I said on the coast of New Jersey.

Lakewood isn't on the coast.

Oh, it's not far from the coast. You could be sitting in a parked car at the point in Lakewood which is farthest inland, and you could put the car in gear and be at the shore in less than half an hour. But still: not on the coast is not on the coast. There are several lakes in Lakewood (with a name like Lakewood, you'd hope there would be), but I don't know if the crabs make it into the lakes. I must confess I didn't spend too much time checking that. I started out by finding one name of one of the lakes (Lake Shenandoah) and tried to find out via Google whether there were any crabs in it. What I got was links to three separate news stories about three separate incidents where three separate bodies were found in Lake Shenandoah, one of which specifically stated that the body was that of a homicide victim. At this point I decided not to pursue the matter much further, and didn't even bother to find out the names of the other lakes in town.

There's another issue with the name. Lakewood, you see, has a higher percentage of Jewish residents than just about anywhere else in the country — fifty-nine percent. And a fairly large chunk of them are Orthodox. So what is the baseball team named after? A shellfish. And sure, I know that naming a team after an animal isn't necessarily an endorsement of using that animal as a foodstuff. But the bible says the reason you shouldn't eat shellfish is because they are "detestable to you". Who, I ask you, names a sports team after something that is "detestable"?

What? Pittsburgh Pirates, you say? Okay, but who else?

Oakland Raiders? Well, yeah, but that's just a variant on— all right, sure, it counts, but still, it's basically the same thing as—

Tampa Bay Buccan— look, can we knock it off with the synonyms for pirates? I get it. What I'm— what I'm trying to say— no, I don't want to hear one damn word about Bradenton, can I finish my damn sentence already? Thank you. Okay, so when it comes to sports teams named after groups of people we sometimes choose detestable people. But— yes, like Yankees. Wow, you're clever. But as I was saying or at least am trying to say, when we name teams after animals we're not doing it because they're detestable. There may be teams named after powerful things like snakes that scare us and also happen to be detestable, but not teams named after things with no distinguishing characteristic other than being detestable. Can we at least agree on that?

Sigh. You're right. The University of California at Santa Cruz does call its sports teams the Banana Slugs. You win. I retract my point.

Final Score: 189 points.
Penalties: Software, 27 pts; Compound, 34 pts; Humanoid, 30 pts; Cartoon, 47 pts; Player, 51 pts.
Bonuses: None.

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