New England Knockouts

58

Originally this team was going to be called the New England Chowdahheads. That was the winner of the name-the-team contest, beating out Nor'Easters, Grinders, Chowdah Monsters, and...Knockouts. A few thoughts come to mind when I see this list. First, it really should have been Chowdah Monstahs rather than Chowdah Monsters. Second, neither Chowdah Monsters nor Chowdahheads should've been on the list in the first place, because they're both stupid. Third, my preference would have been Nor'Easters. But Chowdahheads was on the list and got the most votes, so it was declared the winner.

But then the team got cold feet. From what I've read, fans and local business leaders weren't crazy about the name. Of course, it was fans that voted for that name in the first place, so forgive me if I can't help but think that "fans and local business leaders weren't crazy about the name" really means "fans loved the name but business leaders hated it". I suspect that businesses in town told the team, "If you expect us to advertise with you, you'd better get rid of that shitty name and find one that doesn't suck." They probably didn't say it in those exact words, of course (the team plays not far from Boston, so the actual wording was probably a lot more vulgar), but I'm sure that was the gist of it. So the team reconsidered. For this, I would like to say thank you to the businesspeople of Brockton, because they saved us from this team having an unpolished turd of a nickname.

Why Knockouts? Because Brockton (have I actually said that's the city they play in? I don't think I have) was the hometown to two famous boxers, Rocky Marciano and Marvin Hagler. At least I assume they're famous. I've never been into boxing (if I want to watch two people fight I'll go to a hockey game), so I'm not especially familiar with them. I think I recall hearing the name Marvin Hagler somewhere along the way, but Marciano is a new one on me. But presumably the team wouldn't say they were naming the team after Brockton being the birthplace of two famous boxers if the boxers in question were actually obscure as hell, so they must have been famous.

There is of course a breed of dog known as a boxer, and I suppose there was no avoiding the fact that the logo would feature that kind of boxer. It was also probably inevitable that said boxer would have boxing gloves. And it was also probably a given that said boxer would be holding a baseball bat in each glove. The thing that really irritates me about this is that using the boxer (i.e., the dog) is actually rather clever. I like it more than I want to. On the other hand I like the dog having boxing gloves precisely as much as I want to (i.e., not at all), and the same can be said about the baseball bats. At least the dog isn't drawn as a baseball player, although I'm not convinced that would be any worse.

But you know what would have been worse? Just about any logo anyone could have come up with for a team called the New England Chowdahheads. Once again, my thanks to the businesspeople of Brockton.

Final Score: 58 points.
Penalties: Region (egregious), 17 pts; Alliteration, 5 pts; Equipment (doubly egregious), 42 pts.
Bonuses: Local, -6 pts.