Teams with asterisks are not yet posted

Aberdeen IronBirds
Acereros del Norte*
Aigles de Trois-Rivieres*
Akron RubberDucks
Albuquerque Isotopes
Alexandria Aces*
Algodoneros de Unión Laguna*
Altoona Curve
Amarillo Sod Poodles
Arkansas Travelers
Asheville Tourists
Auburn Doubledays*
Augusta GreenJackets
Batavia Muckdogs
Bay Area Toros*
Beloit Snappers
Billings Mustangs
Biloxi Shuckers
Binghamton Rumble Ponies*
Birmingham Barons
Bluefield Blue Jays
Boise Hawks
Bowie Baysox
Bowling Green Hot Rods
Bradenton Marauders
Bravos de León
Bristol Pirates
Brooklyn Cyclones
Buffalo Bisons
Burlington Bees
Burlington Royals
Calgary Vipers*
Capitales de Quebec
Carolina Mudcats
Cedar Rapids Kernels
Charleston RiverDogs
Charlotte Knights*
Charlotte Stone Crabs
Chattanooga Lookouts
Clearwater Threshers
Cleburne Railroaders*
Clinton LumberKings
Columbia Fireflies*
Columbus Clippers
Connecticut Tigers
Corpus Christi Hooks
Danville Braves
Dayton Dragons
Daytona Tortugas
Delmarva Shorebirds
Diablos Rojos del México
Down East Wood Ducks*
Dunedin Blue Jays
Durham Bulls
Elizabethton Twins
Erie SeaWolves
Eugene Emeralds
Evansville Otters
Everett AquaSox
Fayetteville Woodpeckers*
Fargo-Moorhead RedHawks
Fayetteville Astros*
Florence Freedom
Florida Fire Frogs*
Fort Myers Miracle
Fort Wayne TinCaps
Frederick Keys
Fresno Grizzlies*
Frisco RoughRiders
Gary SouthShore RailCats
Gateway Grizzlies
Generales de Durango*
Grand Junction Rockies
Great Falls Voyagers
Great Lakes Loons
Greeneville Reds
Greensboro Grasshoppers
Greenville Drive
Guerreros de Oaxaca
Gwinnett Stripers*
Hagerstown Suns
Harrisburg Senators
Hartford Yard Goats*
Hickory Crawdads
High Point Rockers
Hillsboro Hops
Hudson Valley Renegades*
Idaho Falls Chukars
Indianapolis Indians
Inland Empire 66ers*
Iowa Cubs
Jackson Generals
Jacksonville Jumbo Shrimp*
Johnson City Cardinals
Joliet Slammers
Jupiter Hammerheads
Kane County Cougars
Kannapolis Intimidators
Kansas City T-Bones
Kingsport Mets
Lake County Captains
Lake Elsinore Storm
Lake Erie Crushers
Lakeland Flying Tigers
Lakewood BlueClaws
Lancaster Barnstormers
Lancaster JetHawks
Lansing Lugnuts
Laredo Lemurs
Las Vegas 51s
Lehigh Valley IronPigs
Leones de Yucatán
Lexington Legends*
Lincoln Saltdogs
Long Beach Armada*
Long Island Ducks
Louisville Bats
Lowell Spinners*
Lynchburg Hillcats*
Mahoning Valley Scrappers
Memphis Redbirds
Midland RockHounds
Milwaukee Milkmen*
Mississippi Braves
Missoula Osprey
Mobile BayBears
Modesto Nuts
Montgomery Biscuits
Myrtle Beach Pelicans
Nashville Sounds*
New Britain Bees*
New Hampshire Fisher Cats
New Jersey Jackals
New Orleans Baby Cakes
Norfolk Tides
Normal CornBelters
Northwest Arkansas Naturals
Ogden Raptors*
Oklahoma City Dodgers
Olmecas de Tabasco
Omaha Storm Chasers
Orem Owlz
Ottawa Champions
Palm Beach Cardinals
Pawtucket Red Sox
Pensacola Blue Wahoos
Peoria Chiefs
Pericos de Puebla
Piratas de Campeche
Pittsburg Diamonds
Portland Sea Dogs
Potomac Nationals
Potros de Tijuana*
Princeton Rays
Pulaski Mariners*
Quad City River Bandits
Rancho Cucamonga Quakes
Reading Fightin Phils
Reno Aces
Richmond Flying Squirrels
Rieleros de Aguascalientes
River City Rascals
Rochester Red Wings
Rockland Boulders
Rocky Mountain Vibes
Rome Braves
Round Rock Express
Sacramento River Cats
Salem Red Sox
Salem-Keizer Volcanoes
Salt Lake Bees
San Antonio Missions
San Jose Giants
San Rafael Pacifics
Saraperos de Saltillo
Sarasota Reds*
Schaumburg Boomers
Scranton/Wilkes-Barre RailRiders*
Sioux City Explorers
Sioux Falls Canaries
Somerset Patriots
Sonoma Stompers
South Bend Cubs
Southern Illinois Miners
Southern Maryland Blue Crabs
Spokane Indians
Springfield Cardinals
St. Lucie Mets
St. Paul Saints
State College Spikes
Staten Island Yankees
Stockton Ports
Sugar Land Skeeters
Sultanes de Monterrey
Sussex County Miners*
Syracuse Chiefs
Tacoma Rainiers*
Tampa Tarpons*
Tecolotes de los Dos Laredos*
Tennessee Smokies*
Texarkana Gunslingers*
Texas AirHogs
Tigres de Quintana Roo
Toledo Mud Hens
Toros de Tijuana*
Traverse City Beach Bums
Trenton Thunder
Tri-City Dust Devils
Tri-City ValleyCats
Tucson Padres
Tulsa Drillers
Vallejo Admirals*
Vancouver Canadians
Vermont Lake Monsters*
Visalia Rawhide
Washington Wild Things
West Michigan Whitecaps
West Virginia Black Bears
West Virginia Power
Williamsport Crosscutters
Wilmington Blue Rocks
Windy City Thunderbolts
Winnipeg Goldeyes
Winston-Salem Dash
Wisconsin Timber Rattlers
York Revolution
Rocky Mountain Vibes 225

Notice: All logos on this page are included within the parameters of 17 U.S.C. § 107, which states that the reproduction of a copyrighted work for purposes of criticism and/or comment is not an infringement of copyright. No challenge to the copyrights of these logos is intended by their inclusion here.
Posted 2019 May 9

Ladies and Gentlemen, we are going through a national crisis. You already knew this, of course. You've seen the new team names that have debuted in recent seasons. Hartford Yard Goats. Florida Fire Frogs. Binghamton Rumble Ponies. And Amarillo, in an assault on all that is decent in this world, has named its new team the fricking Sod Poodles. No one can deny that these are dark times.

And then it came to light that the new team in Colorado Springs had announced a Name The Team contest, and the finalists were "Happy Campers", "Lamb Chops", "Punchy Pikas", "Throttle Jockeys", and "Rocky Mountain Oysters". And suddenly the question that had seemed so hyperbolic before now seemed a reasonable question to ask: "Can the Republic survive this?"

Then we learned that the team in Colorado Springs had rejected all these names, and we rejoiced...for three seconds. Because three seconds later we saw what they actually went with.

A drug-reference with hot pink flames in the logo.

The team, I have no doubt, desperately wants us to believe the name comes from the much-vaunted, highly vague "vibe" one gets from living in the Rocky Mountains. You know, the same sort of feeling that John Denver wrote about in a song called...oh, yeah! Sure, totally innocent. Nothing to do with Colorado's recent decision to legalize, um, "craft cigarettes". No, sirree. Yeah, right! Their logo is a stick on fire. What else is effectively a stick on fire? And if it's not a drug reference, why the psychedelic hot pink flames? They can claim it's about clean mountain air all they want. I'm not buying it.

If you're still buying it for some reason, let me just point out that their mascot is a s'more. His name is "Toasty Smore". He appears on the team's cap. His hair isn't just on fire, it is fire (with hot pink flames, of course). He's wearing sunglasses and is making a peace sign with his right hand. And just so we're clear on this, this is a very poorly-made s'more. For one thing (although this is a fairly minor point), on a properly made s'more the marshmallow is supposed to be squished flat. But more importantly, the marshmallow is on fire. Now, we all know that when you're in the toasting-the-marshmallow portion of making a s'more, sometimes the marshmallow catches fire. No big deal. But I do believe the proper contingency plan for a marshmallow-on-fire situation is to put out the damn fire before you stick the marshmallow between the graham crackers. Whoever made this s'more didn't do that. Why? Probably because the person who made this is high as a motherfucking kite. Because as the name indicates, this is all one big drug reference. Someone got the munchies and decided to make a s'more and the marshmallow caught fire (which happens to sober people but probably happened to this guy because he's high and was too busy staring at the flames), and the obvious thing to do is blow the damn fire out but he figures he can just eat the thing while it's on fire because like I said he's high as a motherfucking kite and so he's just going to put a burning marshmallow between a couple of graham crackers (I'm surprised he remembered the chocolate) and he's probably going to singe his fingers and he's definitely going to burn his mouth to a crisp and he's not even going to feel pain because, I stress for the third time, this crazy son of a bitch is as high as a motherfucking kite.

Just say no, kids...just say no.

Final Score: 225 points.
Penalties: Region (septuply-egregious), 77 pts; Letter, 24 pts; Colorful (egregious), 63 pts; Irrelevance, 39 pts; Name, 10 pts; Logo, 12 pts.
Bonuses: None.

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