Teams with asterisks are not yet posted

Aberdeen IronBirds
Acereros del Norte*
Aigles de Trois-Rivieres*
Akron RubberDucks*
Albuquerque Isotopes
Alexandria Aces*
Algodoneros de Unión Laguna*
Altoona Curve
Amarillo Sod Poodles
Arkansas Travelers
Asheville Tourists
Auburn Doubledays*
Augusta GreenJackets*
Batavia Muckdogs
Bay Area Toros*
Beloit Snappers
Billings Mustangs
Biloxi Shuckers
Binghamton Rumble Ponies*
Birmingham Barons
Bluefield Blue Jays
Boise Hawks
Bowie Baysox
Bowling Green Hot Rods
Bradenton Marauders
Bravos de León
Bristol Pirates
Brooklyn Cyclones
Buffalo Bisons
Burlington Bees
Burlington Royals
Calgary Vipers*
Capitales de Quebec
Carolina Mudcats
Cedar Rapids Kernels
Charleston RiverDogs
Charlotte Knights*
Charlotte Stone Crabs
Chattanooga Lookouts
Clearwater Threshers
Cleburne Railroaders*
Clinton LumberKings
Columbia Fireflies*
Columbus Clippers
Connecticut Tigers
Corpus Christi Hooks
Danville Braves
Dayton Dragons
Daytona Tortugas
Delmarva Shorebirds
Diablos Rojos del México
Down East Wood Ducks*
Dunedin Blue Jays
Durham Bulls
Elizabethton Twins
Erie SeaWolves*
Eugene Emeralds*
Evansville Otters
Everett AquaSox
Fayetteville Woodpeckers*
Fargo-Moorhead RedHawks
Fayetteville Astros*
Florence Freedom
Florida Fire Frogs*
Fort Myers Miracle
Fort Wayne TinCaps
Frederick Keys
Fresno Grizzlies*
Frisco RoughRiders
Gary SouthShore RailCats
Gateway Grizzlies
Generales de Durango*
Grand Junction Rockies*
Great Falls Voyagers
Great Lakes Loons
Greeneville Reds*
Greensboro Grasshoppers
Greenville Drive
Guerreros de Oaxaca
Gwinnett Stripers*
Hagerstown Suns
Harrisburg Senators
Hartford Yard Goats*
Hickory Crawdads
High Point Rockers*
Hillsboro Hops
Hudson Valley Renegades*
Idaho Falls Chukars
Indianapolis Indians
Inland Empire 66ers*
Iowa Cubs
Jackson Generals
Jacksonville Jumbo Shrimp*
Johnson City Cardinals
Joliet Slammers
Jupiter Hammerheads
Kane County Cougars
Kannapolis Intimidators
Kansas City T-Bones
Kingsport Mets
Lake County Captains
Lake Elsinore Storm
Lake Erie Crushers
Lakeland Flying Tigers
Lakewood BlueClaws
Lancaster Barnstormers
Lancaster JetHawks
Lansing Lugnuts
Laredo Lemurs
Las Vegas 51s
Lehigh Valley IronPigs
Leones de Yucatán
Lexington Legends*
Lincoln Saltdogs
Long Beach Armada*
Long Island Ducks
Louisville Bats
Lowell Spinners*
Lynchburg Hillcats*
Mahoning Valley Scrappers
Memphis Redbirds
Midland RockHounds
Milwaukee Milkmen* Mississippi Braves
Missoula Osprey
Mobile BayBears
Modesto Nuts
Montgomery Biscuits
Myrtle Beach Pelicans
Nashville Sounds*
New Britain Bees*
New Hampshire Fisher Cats
New Jersey Jackals
New Orleans Zephyrs
Norfolk Tides*
Normal CornBelters
Northwest Arkansas Naturals
Ogden Raptors*
Oklahoma City Dodgers*
Olmecas de Tabasco
Omaha Storm Chasers
Orem Owlz
Ottawa Champions
Palm Beach Cardinals
Pawtucket Red Sox*
Pensacola Blue Wahoos
Peoria Chiefs
Pericos de Puebla
Piratas de Campeche
Pittsburg Diamonds
Portland Sea Dogs
Potomac Nationals
Potros de Tijuana*
Princeton Rays
Pulaski Mariners*
Quad City River Bandits
Rancho Cucamonga Quakes
Reading Fightin Phils
Reno Aces
Richmond Flying Squirrels
River City Rascals
Rochester Red Wings
Rockland Boulders
Rome Braves
Rocky Mountain Vibes*
Round Rock Express
Sacramento River Cats
Salem Red Sox
Salem-Keizer Volcanoes
Salt Lake Bees
San Antonio Missions
San Jose Giants
San Rafael Pacifics*
Saraperos de Saltillo
Sarasota Reds*
Schaumburg Boomers
Scranton/Wilkes-Barre RailRiders*
Sioux City Explorers
Sioux Falls Canaries
Somerset Patriots
Sonoma Stompers
South Bend Cubs
Southern Illinois Miners
Southern Maryland Blue Crabs
Spokane Indians
Springfield Cardinals
St. Lucie Mets
St. Paul Saints
State College Spikes
Staten Island Yankees
Stockton Ports
Sultanes de Monterrey
Sussex County Miners*
Syracuse Chiefs
Tacoma Rainiers*
Tampa Tarpons*
Tecolotes de los Dos Laredos*
Tennessee Smokies*
Texarkana Gunslingers*
Texas AirHogs
Tigres de Quintana Roo
Toledo Mud Hens
Toros de Tijuana*
Traverse City Beach Bums
Trenton Thunder
Tri-City Dust Devils
Tri-City ValleyCats
Tucson Padres
Tulsa Drillers
Vallejo Admirals*
Vancouver Canadians
Vermont Lake Monsters*
Visalia Rawhide
Washington Wild Things
West Michigan Whitecaps
West Virginia Black Bears
West Virginia Power
Williamsport Crosscutters
Wilmington Blue Rocks
Windy City Thunderbolts
Winnipeg Goldeyes
Winston-Salem Dash
Wisconsin Timber Rattlers
York Revolution
Rochester Red Wings 161

Notice: All logos on this page are included within the parameters of 17 U.S.C. § 107, which states that the reproduction of a copyrighted work for purposes of criticism and/or comment is not an infringement of copyright. No challenge to the copyrights of these logos is intended by their inclusion here.
Posted 2010 August 1

Let's start by giving credit where credit is due: The Rochester Red Wings are the oldest minor league baseball team playing today. How old? So old that they debuted in the 19th Century, that's how old. That makes them older than every professional team playing in North America that you can name, in any sport, with only five exceptions: the Chicago Cubs, Cincinnati Reds, Philadelphia Phillies, Pittsburgh Pirates, and St. Louis Cardinals. That's impressive. The "Red Wings" name isn't quite so old, dating "only" back to 1929, but that still makes them older than hockey's Detroit Red Wings, who didn't start using that name until 1932. I don't know if Rochester's use of "Rochester Red Wings" can be traced back to the Cincinnati Red Stockings, but I rather suspect it can, if only because the more I learn about baseball the more I learn that every team's name can somehow be traced back to the Cincinnati Red Stockings. It's the ultimate source of the Boston Red Sox, the Chicago White Sox (indeed, every "sox" team), the Cincinnati Reds (not the same team), and probably even the Seattle Mariners if I could only figure out how. They're that influential.

The logo, however, is clearly the product of a more modern era. One hundred years ago, the team probably wouldn't have had a logo in the first place, and if they did it would have likely been little more than the word "Red Wings" written in a particular script, or maybe even just an "R". But this logo embodies everything about the modern era. The cartoon character who is an anthropomorphized animal. The colored jerseys instead of the old fashioned white and grey. And, of course, the steroids.

Oh, don't tell me you weren't thinking it, too. Look at those arms. There is nothing which wasn't manufactured at BALCO that explains arms like that. And it's not just the arms. Surely you've heard the reports that steroids can shrink, um, certain portions of the male anatomy. Look at this character. It's not just that his upper arms have a bigger circumference than his waist. It's that his chest at the shoulder has a circumference nearly twice the circumference of his waist. This is some serious shrinkage, folks. Or maybe the waist hasn't shrunk, but he's started to grow breasts. That's another potential side effect of steroids.

Finally, I ask you: Does that bizarre grin not look like the clenched teeth of someone in the last few seconds before the 'roid rage kicks in?

Normally, I dislike cartoony logos because they're clearly intended to appeal to children. But I don't think that's the intent here. To be honest, I don't know what the motivation here is. Is this intended to be a warning to children? "Hey, kid, do you know why you shouldn't do steroids? Well, here's why. See? It turns you into a maniac with tits and no nuts. You don't want that, do you? What's that? You say we shouldn't assume only little boys go to baseball games and that your name is Emily and you look forward to having tits? Well, in that case, you shouldn't be in such a hurry to grow up. How old are you, anyway, Emily? Unless you're at least ten you shouldn't be thinking about secondary sexual characteristics yet, and you don't look like you're even out of kindergarten. Seriously, girl, you're totally creeping us out here. Go find your dad and tell him he's not raising you well. Oh, and by the way, even if you do want to grow boobs way before any kid has a right to be growing them, do you also want to be covered with red feathers? Yeah, the 'roids did that, too, Emily. We're telling you: stay away from steroids! They're nothing but trouble!"

Or maybe there's a more sinister motive at play here. Maybe this is a subtle advertisement to players: "Hey, guys, come play for us. We're so into steroids that we put Rudy the Roid-Ridden Redbird in our logo! We'll make sure you don't get caught!" If this is the case, then I really have a hard time respecting the Red Wings. Not that I respect telling a little girl in kindergarten to tell her dad he's a lousy parent, either. And by the way, don't assume it wasn't her mom who brought her to the game, you sexist pigs!

But Occam's Razor suggests that the simplest explanation that explains all the data is the best explanation. So is there a simpler suggeston than bizarre undertones of controlled substance? How about the nice, simple explanation that the artist didn't do a very good job? Yeah, that's probably the best explanation. But even so, you really should stay away from steroids, Emily. They're nothing but trouble.

Final Score: 161 points.
Penalties: Alliteration, 5 pts; Diamond, 16 pts; Humanoid, 30 pts; Cartoon, 47 pts; Player, 51 pts; Logo, 12 pts.
Bonuses: None.

This page Copyright ©2010 Scott D. Rhodes. All rights reserved