| Tucson Padres
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Posted 2011 April 17
To be honest, I'm not entirely certain why I'm bothering to do this
review. The team (formerly known as the Portland Beavers) is only going
to be in Tucson for two years. They left their former home of Portland
because the stadium in Portland is being reconfigured as a soccer
stadium for MLS' new Portland Timbers. The Beavers were sold to the
Padres' owner, and are being relocated to Escondido, California (a
suburb of San Diego). There's just one problem, which is that there
isn't a baseball stadium in Escondido. Since staying in Portland for a
couple of years isn't an option, and just playing in San Diego is
apparently not an option for some reason (I know it would be tricky, but
it could be made to work), they're going to be in Tucson for a couple of
years while the permanent home is being built. So any effort I put into
this review is effort put into something that I know is going away in a
couple of years.
I think my main motivation is that I strongly believe that no logo this
bad should go unremarked upon. The logo consists of either a tiny
mountain in front of a normal-sized cactus or a normal-sized mountain in
front of a gigantic cactus. The rock is, inexplicably, blue; even more
improbably, the cactus is grey. (I understand that the team wanted to
use San Diego's current colors, but wouldn't a blue cactus and a grey
rock have made more sense?) Even better, someone has trimmed all the
needles off the right side of the cactus while leaving the needles on
the left-size intact. In other words, it looks like a zombie cactus
that has undergone manscaping. Below this Sonoran absurdity is the name
of the team, written in a font that the parent team used during its
worst years. The font isn't particularly bad in its own right, but only
once in the entire time the San Diego Padres used it did they finish
above fourth in their division. In other worse, it calls to mind the
years they got their asses kicked. Who in their right minds would pick
the moment of their greatest ass-kicking as a time to commemorate? And
before anyone mentions the flag of Mississippi, let me stress that I
asked who in their right minds would do this.
Anyway, the one good thing that can be said about this logo is that it
isn't going to be in use for very long. But I suspect that it will be
haunting people's dreams for years to come. If manscaped zombie
cactuses aren't the stuff of nightmares, I'm not sure what is.
Final Score: 74 points.
Penalties: Scenery, 11 pts; Offspring, 12 pts; Irrelevance, 39 pts; Logo,
12 pts.
Bonuses: None.
This page Copyright ©2011 Scott D. Rhodes.
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