Teams with asterisks are not yet posted

Aberdeen IronBirds
Acereros del Norte*
Aigles de Trois-Rivieres*
Akron RubberDucks*
Albuquerque Isotopes
Alexandria Aces*
Algodoneros de Unión Laguna*
Altoona Curve
Arkansas Travelers
Asheville Tourists
Auburn Doubledays*
Augusta GreenJackets*
Batavia Muckdogs
Bay Area Toros*
Beloit Snappers
Billings Mustangs
Biloxi Shuckers
Binghamton Rumble Ponies*
Birmingham Barons
Bluefield Blue Jays
Boise Hawks
Bowie Baysox
Bowling Green Hot Rods
Bradenton Marauders
Bravos de León*
Bristol Pirates
Brooklyn Cyclones
Buffalo Bisons
Burlington Bees
Burlington Royals
Calgary Vipers*
Capitales de Quebec
Carolina Mudcats
Cedar Rapids Kernels
Charleston RiverDogs
Charlotte Knights*
Charlotte Stone Crabs
Chattanooga Lookouts
Clearwater Threshers
Cleburne Railroaders*
Clinton LumberKings
Colorado Springs Sky Sox
Columbia Fireflies*
Columbus Clippers
Connecticut Tigers
Corpus Christi Hooks
Danville Braves
Dayton Dragons
Daytona Tortugas
Delmarva Shorebirds
Diablos Rojos del México
Down East Wood Ducks*
Dunedin Blue Jays
Durham Bulls
Elizabethton Twins
Erie SeaWolves*
Eugene Emeralds*
Evansville Otters
Everett AquaSox
Fargo-Moorhead RedHawks
Fayetteville Astros*
Florence Freedom
Florida Fire Frogs*
Fort Myers Miracle
Fort Wayne TinCaps
Frederick Keys
Fresno Grizzlies
Frisco RoughRiders
Gary SouthShore RailCats
Gateway Grizzlies
Generales de Durango*
Grand Junction Rockies*
Great Falls Voyagers
Great Lakes Loons
Greeneville Reds*
Greensboro Grasshoppers
Greenville Drive
Guerreros de Oaxaca
Gwinnett Stripers*
Hagerstown Suns
Harrisburg Senators
Hartford Yard Goats*
Helena Brewers
Hickory Crawdads
Hillsboro Hops
Hudson Valley Renegades*
Idaho Falls Chukars
Indianapolis Indians
Inland Empire 66ers*
Iowa Cubs
Jackson Generals
Jacksonville Jumbo Shrimp*
Johnson City Cardinals
Joliet Slammers
Jupiter Hammerheads
Kane County Cougars
Kannapolis Intimidators
Kansas City T-Bones
Kingsport Mets
Lake County Captains
Lake Elsinore Storm
Lake Erie Crushers
Lakeland Flying Tigers
Lakewood BlueClaws
Lancaster Barnstormers
Lancaster JetHawks
Lansing Lugnuts
Laredo Lemurs
Las Vegas 51s
Lehigh Valley IronPigs
Leones de Yucatán
Lexington Legends*
Lincoln Saltdogs
Long Beach Armada*
Long Island Ducks
Louisville Bats
Lowell Spinners*
Lynchburg Hillcats*
Mahoning Valley Scrappers
Memphis Redbirds
Midland RockHounds
Mississippi Braves
Missoula Osprey
Mobile BayBears
Modesto Nuts
Montgomery Biscuits
Myrtle Beach Pelicans
Nashville Sounds
New Britain Bees*
New Hampshire Fisher Cats
New Jersey Jackals
New Orleans Zephyrs
Norfolk Tides*
Normal CornBelters
Northwest Arkansas Naturals
Ogden Raptors*
Oklahoma City Dodgers*
Olmecas de Tabasco
Omaha Storm Chasers
Orem Owlz
Ottawa Champions*
Palm Beach Cardinals
Pawtucket Red Sox*
Pensacola Blue Wahoos
Peoria Chiefs
Pericos de Puebla
Piratas de Campeche
Pittsburg Diamonds*
Portland Sea Dogs
Potomac Nationals
Potros de Tijuana*
Princeton Rays
Pulaski Mariners*
Quad City River Bandits
Rancho Cucamonga Quakes
Reading Fightin Phils
Reno Aces
Richmond Flying Squirrels
River City Rascals
Rochester Red Wings
Rockland Boulders
Rome Braves
Round Rock Express
Sacramento River Cats
Salem Red Sox
Salem-Keizer Volcanoes
Salt Lake Bees
San Antonio Missions
San Jose Giants
San Rafael Pacifics*
Saraperos de Saltillo
Sarasota Reds*
Schaumburg Boomers
Scranton/Wilkes-Barre RailRiders*
Sioux City Explorers
Sioux Falls Canaries
Somerset Patriots
Sonoma Stompers
South Bend Cubs
Southern Illinois Miners
Southern Maryland Blue Crabs
Spokane Indians
Springfield Cardinals
St. Lucie Mets
St. Paul Saints
State College Spikes
Staten Island Yankees
Stockton Ports
Sultanes de Monterrey
Sussex County Miners*
Syracuse Chiefs
Tacoma Rainiers*
Tampa Tarpons*
Tecolotes de los Dos Laredos*
Tennessee Smokies*
Texarkana Gunslingers*
Texas AirHogs
Tigres de Quintana Roo
Toledo Mud Hens
Toros de Tijuana
Traverse City Beach Bums
Trenton Thunder
Tri-City Dust Devils
Tri-City ValleyCats
Tucson Padres
Tulsa Drillers
Vallejo Admirals*
Vancouver Canadians
Vermont Lake Monsters*
Visalia Rawhide
Washington Wild Things
West Michigan Whitecaps
West Virginia Black Bears
West Virginia Power
Wichita Wingnuts
Williamsport Crosscutters
Wilmington Blue Rocks
Windy City Thunderbolts
Winnipeg Goldeyes
Winston-Salem Dash
Wisconsin Timber Rattlers
York Revolution
Tampa Yankees 59

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Posted 2014 April 7

My parents have gone snowbird on me. After decades of living roughly an hour from me, they've decided that the barren, wintry landscape of eastern North Carolina is too cold to bear, and have made their way down to Florida. I can understand, in a way. I used to live in eastern North Carolina, and I got out at the earliest opportunity. But I didn't go to Florida, mostly because I am not retired yet.

The city my parents moved to has a median age of 61. It goes without saying that the vast majority of people living there moved from up north because a) the only way for a town to have a median age of 61 without a major influx of old people is if a tragic epidemic had killed all the children but spared the adults some time in the disco era, and b) the only way all these people could have moved there from from any other direction is if they were mermaids and mermen. So you might think I'm about to say that the name "Tampa Yankees" actually makes sense on some level.

I am not.

First of all, I have been talking about the city my parents moved to, and they didn't move to Tampa. They're an hour or two south. And while Tampa has its share of snowbirds, it actually has young people, too. The median age in Tampa is only 35. That's actually lower than the median age for America as a whole (37). That means there are probably very few retirees in Tampa. Few retirees = few yankees. There are several cities with teams in the Florida State League with enough snowbirds that the name "Yankees" would make sense, but Tampa is not one of them. Furthermore, the Tampa Yankees are in the same metropolitan area as one of the New York Yankees' division rivals, which means that the town is full of people who despise the Yankees (because the Sacred Unwritten Laws of Baseball state that any baseball fan who cheers for any team other than the Yankees must despise the Yankees with an unholy passion). Put these two things together, and calling the team the Tampa Yankees is a terrible idea. That may explain why the Tampa Yankees' attendance is under 2,000. What self-respecting Rays fan is going to cheer for a team that proudly names itself after the Evil Empire?

Or maybe it's just the league. In fact, the Tampa Yankees' attendance is actually fourth out of the twelve teams in the league. Only two of the league's twelve teams had more than 2,000 last year, and three couldn't even break 1,000. By comparison, fifteen of the eighteen teams in the other two High-A leagues break 2,000. For that matter, twenty-five of the thirty teams in the two Low-A leagues break that mark. What I'm saying here is, the Florida State League probably doesn't deserve to be High-A if it can't draw bigger crowds than this. Let the Midwest League move up (the South Atlantic is too close to the Carolina League) and drop the Florida State League to Low-A status. And when that's done, someone call those yo-yos in New York (the New York Yankees own the Tampa Yankees) and tell them to pick a name that's less likely to piss off the locals. At the very least, have them call themselves the Tampa Snowbirds. It's not really accurate, but it's kinda funny (especially for a summer sport), and at least it's a subtle way of saying "Yankees in Florida". Because trust me on this one, no one in the South likes the Yankees. People in the South generally don't like that sort of unbridled arrogance. And all the ones who do like that sort of unbridled arrogance are all cheering for the Atlanta Braves anyway.

Final Score: 59 points.
Penalties: Offspring, 12 pts; Equipment, 13 pts; Letter, 24 pts; Name, 10 pts.
Bonuses: None.

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