Teams with asterisks are not yet posted

Aberdeen IronBirds
Acereros del Norte*
Águila de Veracruz*
Aigles de Trois-Rivieres*
Akron RubberDucks
Albuquerque Isotopes
Alexandria Aces*
Algodoneros de Unión Laguna*
Altoona Curve
Amarillo Sod Poodles
Arkansas Travelers
Asheville Tourists
Augusta GreenJackets
Bay Area Toros*
Beloit Snappers
Billings Mustangs
Biloxi Shuckers
Binghamton Rumble Ponies*
Birmingham Barons
Boise Hawks
Bowie Baysox
Bowling Green Hot Rods
Bradenton Marauders
Bravos de León
Brooklyn Cyclones
Buffalo Bisons
Capitales de Quebec
Carolina Mudcats
Cedar Rapids Kernels
Charleston RiverDogs
Charlotte Knights*
Chattanooga Lookouts
Clearwater Threshers
Cleburne Railroaders*
Columbia Fireflies*
Columbus Clippers
Connecticut Tigers
Corpus Christi Hooks
Dayton Dragons
Daytona Tortugas
Delmarva Shorebirds
Diablos Rojos del México
Down East Wood Ducks*
Dunedin Blue Jays
Durham Bulls
Erie SeaWolves
Eugene Emeralds
Evansville Otters
Everett AquaSox
Fayetteville Woodpeckers*
Fargo-Moorhead RedHawks
Fayetteville Astros*
Florence Freedom
Fort Myers Mighty Mussels*
Fort Wayne TinCaps
Frederick Keys
Fredericksburg Nationals*
Fresno Grizzlies*
Frisco RoughRiders
Gary SouthShore RailCats
Gastonia Honey Hunters*
Gateway Grizzlies
Generales de Durango*
Grand Junction Rockies
Great Falls Voyagers
Great Lakes Loons
Greensboro Grasshoppers
Greenville Drive
Guerreros de Oaxaca
Gwinnett Stripers*
Harrisburg Senators
Hartford Yard Goats*
Hickory Crawdads
High Point Rockers
Hillsboro Hops
Houston Apollos*
Hudson Valley Renegades*
Idaho Falls Chukars
Indianapolis Indians
Inland Empire 66ers*
Iowa Cubs
Jackson Generals
Jacksonville Jumbo Shrimp*
Joliet Slammers
Jupiter Hammerheads
Kane County Cougars
Kannapolis Cannon Ballers*
Kansas City T-Bones*
Lake County Captains
Lake Elsinore Storm
Lake Erie Crushers
Lakeland Flying Tigers
Lakewood BlueClaws
Lancaster Barnstormers
Lancaster JetHawks
Lansing Lugnuts
Laredo Lemurs
Las Vegas 51s
Lehigh Valley IronPigs
Leones de Yucatán
Lexington Legends*
Lincoln Saltdogs
Long Beach Armada*
Long Island Ducks
Louisville Bats
Lowell Spinners*
Lynchburg Hillcats*
Mariachis de Guadalajara*
Memphis Redbirds
Midland RockHounds
Milwaukee Milkmen*
Mississippi Braves
Missoula Paddleheads*
Mobile BayBears
Modesto Nuts
Montgomery Biscuits
Myrtle Beach Pelicans
Nashville Sounds*
New Hampshire Fisher Cats
New Jersey Jackals*
New Orleans Baby Cakes
New York Boulders
Norfolk Tides
Normal CornBelters
Northern Colorado Owlz* Northwest Arkansas Naturals
Norwich Sea Unicorns*
Ogden Raptors*
Oklahoma City Dodgers
Olmecas de Tabasco*
Omaha Storm Chasers
Palm Beach Cardinals
Pensacola Blue Wahoos
Peoria Chiefs
Pericos de Puebla
Piratas de Campeche
Portland Sea Dogs
Potros de Tijuana*
Quad City River Bandits
Rancho Cucamonga Quakes
Reading Fightin Phils
Reno Aces
Richmond Flying Squirrels
Rieleros de Aguascalientes
Rochester Red Wings
Rocky Mountain Vibes
Rome Braves
Round Rock Express
Sacramento River Cats
Salem Red Sox
Salt Lake Bees
San Antonio Missions
San Jose Giants
Saraperos de Saltillo
Sarasota Reds*
Schaumburg Boomers
Scranton/Wilkes-Barre RailRiders*
Sioux City Explorers
Sioux Falls Canaries
Somerset Patriots
Sonoma Stompers
South Bend Cubs
Southern Illinois Miners
Southern Maryland Blue Crabs
Spokane Indians
Springfield Cardinals
St. Lucie Mets
St. Paul Saints*
Stockton Ports
Sugar Land Skeeters
Sultanes de Monterrey*
Sussex County Miners*
Syracuse Chiefs
Tacoma Rainiers*
Tampa Tarpons*
Tecolotes de los Dos Laredos*
Tennessee Smokies*
Texarkana Gunslingers*
Tigres de Quintana Roo
Toledo Mud Hens
Toros de Tijuana*
Traverse City Beach Bums
Trenton Thunder
Tri-City Dust Devils
Tri-City ValleyCats
Tucson Padres
Tulsa Drillers
Vallejo Admirals*
Vancouver Canadians
Visalia Rawhide
Washington Wild Things
West Michigan Whitecaps
Wichita Wind Surge*
Wilmington Blue Rocks
West Virginia Power
Windy City Thunderbolts
Winnipeg Goldeyes
Winston-Salem Dash*
Wisconsin Timber Rattlers
Worcester Red Sox*
York Revolution
Traverse City Beach Bums 215

Notice: All logos on this page are included within the parameters of 17 U.S.C. § 107, which states that the reproduction of a copyrighted work for purposes of criticism and/or comment is not an infringement of copyright. No challenge to the copyrights of these logos is intended by their inclusion here.
Posted 2009 April 25

One thing I quickly learned while doing the hockey reviews is that if a logo includes an animal that has nothing to do with the team's name, odds are high that it's going to be a bear. I didn't think to wonder whether this would be true in other sports, but if this logo is any indication, the answer is yes.

I find the idea of a bear living on the beach to be amusing. First of all, I'm not sure why a bear would want to hang out at a beach. Yes, there are fish there. But there are also fish in rivers that run through the mountains, and it's usually cooler there. For an animal that's covered with fur, this is an important consideration. Why would an animal that's covered in fur want to hang out at the beach? (If you're going to write in to describe middle-aged men covered in fur you're seen at the beach, please don't. I promise you that I don't need to hear about it.)

Then again, if the bear enjoyed the taste of human flesh, a beach would be a pretty good place to get lunch. Picture, if you will, the bear in this logo rampaging across a beach, noshing on anyone slow enough to get caught. It's a morbidly hilarious picture, don't you think? For bonus points, imagine that the bear is working in tandem with a shark. I can hear the people screaming, "EVERYBODY GET OUT OF THE WATER! NO, WAIT, GO BACK INTO THE WATER! NO, WAIT! OH SHIT, WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!" People start flapping their arms desperately, hoping to defy their anatomy and fly. And that's when the falcons start swooping down.

This is one reason why I don't vacation at the beach.

Of course, this bear doesn't look like he hangs out at the beach eating people. He doesn't look like he hangs out at the beach at all. There is absolutely nothing about this logo that says "beach" except for the actual word "beach". Yeah, the bear's wearing sunglasses, but so what? People miles away from the nearest beach wear sunglasses. The waves, you say? You say those little swoopy things below the words "Beach Bums" and on either side of the baseball are supposed to be waves? Perhaps. But somehow they come across looking more like the baseball's oversized moustache. And by the way, isn't it a nice touch that the managed to sneak not one, but two baseballs into the logo? They should have put stitching on the white circle behind the bear and gone for the trifecta. Maybe for that one they could even do something crazy like make the stitching red. Honestly, have you ever seen a baseball with blue stitching?

Of course, when I say they have two baseballs in the logo, that's not entirely accurate, because in addition to the two drawings of baseballs, they put the actual word "baseball" below the, er, moustache. Why? Did they think we needed to be told this was a baseball team? Did they think someone would look at this logo and assume we were dealing with a football team?

As if all this wasn't enough (and it was), there are a healthy number of flat out mistakes on the logo. Notice, for example, that the logo on the baseball cap appears not on the actual cap portion, but on the underside of the visor. The jersey apparently isn't buttoned, since you can see a stripe of the bear's stomach between the left and right halves of the jersey. Also, notice that his left thumb is on the wrong side of his hand. Yes, you could argue that his arm is turned, but no pitcher would hold his glove hand like that because he uses the glove to hide his hand right before the pitch. In fact, here's a picture of a pitcher (or is that a pitcher of a picture?) I found on the Beach Bums' own website. Notice how he's holding his glove. For that matter, notice how he's holding the ball. Notice the direction he's leaning. Notice — oh hell, just notice any detail you care to, and then look at the logo. I guarantee you the bear won't be doing it right.

So not only is this logo poorly conceived, it's poorly executed, too. I have to wonder if this designer could come up with a good logo if his life depended on it. We should find out. We should leave the designer stranded on a beach, stuck between a bear and a shark, with nothing but a sheet of paper and a box of 64 crayons to protect him. If he can come up with something better, we'll let him go. And if not? That's when the falcons start swooping down.

Final Score: 215 points.
Penalties: Alliteration, 5 pts; Script, 7 pts; Equipment, 13 pts; Obvious, 17 pts; Humanoid, 30 pts; Irrelevance, 39 pts; Cartoon, 47 pts; Player, 51 pts; Logo, 12 pts.
Bonuses: Local, -6 pts.

This page Copyright ©2009 Scott D. Rhodes. All rights reserved