Windy City Thunderbolts

31

I'm really not in the mood to write this review, but I've got no reason to believe the situation will be improved by waiting, so I may as well get it over with.

The problem, you see, is that there's only one thing to write about, and I don't want to write about it. The name and logo are sort of nondescript, and in such cases I generally write something about the city where the team is located. And that's the problem. You see, the Windy City Thunderbolts don't actually play in Chicago. That's not to say the name is inaccurate per se, it's just that the Thunderbolts play in a suburb. To be precise, they play in Crestwood. And Crestwood apparently is known for only one thing, which is a scandal involving their water supply.

Think I'm exaggerating? Check this out: If you go to the Wikipedia page for Crestwood, the sections (not including the "References" and "External Links" that every page has) are Geography, Demographics, Government, Education, Notable People, and Water Contamination. There's no History section at all, nor an Economy section. Also, the Water Contamination section begins with a link to the more thorough article entitled "Water Contamination in Crestwood, Illinois". How much more thorough? The article in the water contamination is roughly seven times as long as the article on Crestwood. Not seven times as long as the section about water contamination in the Crestwood article: seven times as long as the entire article on Crestwood.

I don't want to write about that. It's depressing. I could ignore it and find something else about the city to write about, except that I can't find anything else to write about. Did I mention there's no History section on the Wikipedia article? Nor could I find anything in other resources. I went to the Village of Crestwood website to see if they mentioned anything about the village's history. And do you know what popped up? A letter from the mayor about the lawsuits stemming from the water contamination. (Apparently there are three hundred and sixty separate lawsuits, and the city has the opportunity to settle them all in one fell swoop, and some citizens don't like the terms of the settlement.) You know what is not on the website? Anything about the history of place. As best as I can determine the village rose fully-formed from the primordial ooze some time in the past, and the only thing that has ever happened there is that the village has taken some of that primordial ooze and pumped it through the water pipes.

And I don't want to write about that.

And there's nothing else to write about.

And so I'm done.

Final Score: 31 points.
Penalties: Script, 7 pts; Scenery, 11 pts; Equipment, 13 pts.
Bonuses: None.